Dana: And I felt like that was really reassuring. I really loved hearing Hilaire talk about her experience because it wasn’t a negative experience. It was a great, and it was empowering and it was positive.
And, and I really, really, really loved that. And it made me really. And I, and I’ve thought this too about any person, especially a female entrepreneur that opened their business, you know, and she said 79, eighties, nineties, whatever, like how much pressure that was, how much less understanding. And I really like when she talked about how the clients didn’t, the clients were the ones that pushed back, it wasn’t her husband, it wasn’t her kid. It wasn’t her friends.
It was the clients that were like, this is unacceptable. Like, if you want, if you want this career, you are career. Like, they didn’t want to see her as a mother, as a human and how much that has changed. And as much as we hate social media and we hate how much access we have to like everything. Do you think that’s, that’s why it’s now, everyone’s human and everybody’s eyes now?
Courtney: I totally think that, I mean, I think it’s, everyone’s putting their life on display, you know, obviously we say it’s the highlight reel. It’s on display, and I think that, you know, some of those myths are being busted and I, and I don’t, I do believe that you can have it all.
I mean, I just don’t think you can have it all the time. Like you’re going to fail at something, right. It’s never going to be 50 50. It’s going to be 40, 60, 30, 70. But it’s really
interesting because we grew up in the eighties and nineties. And I remember, some of our, my mom’s friend’s kind of going through, like in the nineties, like late nineties like identity crisis, like they’d been stay at home moms or they would just been solely working or whatever.
And there was like this huge, like identity crisis as to like who they were like once their kids grew up. And I remember, I remember even recently having a conversation with our aunt about this. And she was basically telling me that society always told her that all she ever was a mother. Like her usefulness was only ever in, in relation to like how she parented and blah, blah, blah, blah. And like all these things. And basically that she had done everything right as to how she was taught. And she never felt like she could do all the things. Do you know what I’m saying? It was a really weird conversation in the middle of it, but it wasn’t like regret.
Dana: Yeah, no, I, but I think that’s very true and I think there’s a lot of truth to that I think. And I, and I still think that there’s going to be a huge woman our age when they’re in their fifties and sixties, they’re going to go through identity crisis because I think that now to be a mom. Like we joke all like, oh, I have won mom of the year for like, you know, being a terrible mother or making mistakes or whatever.
But there is also this society of supermoms who do all the things. They celebrate all the holidays. They’re the, they’re the soccer mom. They’re the room mom. And to me, when those women have kids that are no longer in their house, like who are they? Because they have, they have built their entire life around their children and I’m not saying it’s wrong. I’m just saying, I think that there is going to still be that same situation. Cause I think that there are some people who, when they start a phase of their life, they give it 150 200%, you know, and, and they throw themselves into it. And I think that a lot of times it’s either because they had an amazing mother or because they had a terrible.
Right. And so they want to do quite the opposite and they raise great kids and they have great memories and great experiences. But at the same time they lose who they are. Along the way. And I think it’s really easy to do that. I still, I don’t, I don’t think that’s any different from
Courtney: like in the eighties or nineties,
Dana: I don’t think it’d be different than like what our aunt went through. But I think the difference is that. Maybe they’re not hearing it from society, right. Maybe I’m not hearing like, oh, you can only do this. It maybe it’s more of a choice and I think that is true. So I took this gender studies class in college and I had to interview people from different generations.
And I interviewed my mom actually. And she said that they were taught in the eighties that they could have it all. It was that they had a choice. And whereas like you had to pick the side, but, but prior to there wasn’t even a choice.
Right. And so what she found is that she, there still a good number of people who her age that had kids at her age young, but there was also really large people that waited until they’re much older by previous society standards because previously you’d have a baby before you were 30 and you had lots of babies before you were 30.
And she was seeing more of her classmates wait until they’re 30 because they were, due to choosing that career first. And they would do the career for 12, 15 years, and then they would stop the career and be a mom and do that. But they wanted, they wanted that career first. And, but it wasn’t that like, no one said you could have it all they just said, but now you have a choice.
Whether you want to be a parent or you want to be a career person. And she’s like, and there was always these people that tried to have it all and they just got chastised, like any like PR like celebrity or whatever. They were just always got pushed back on because they there’s no way. It’s like, oh, there’s no way you could do that.
Which is interesting because not like fathers ever went through that. Like you can’t be, it could be a father and have a career, like pick one.
Courtney: I love hearing other generational stories like that about women in those times. I thought, I think it’s very empowering. It’s very brave.
Dana: Yeah, because she did have it all.
Courtney: She did. She did.
Dana: She said, basically, fuck that. Like, I’m going to have it all. Like I’m not going to choose. I’m going to be a mom. I’m going to raise my kid in this world. I’m going to be a badass entrepreneur. I’m going to, I mean, think about it. That, how old is that business? It started in 79. What is that? That’s 40 years, 43 years. That’s a long time. That’s a long time to have a successful business that stayed relevant over 43 years.
Courtney: Are we going to be in business in like 30 years?
Dana: That’s another podcast question, but
Courtney: can you even imagine, honestly?
Dana: What do you think, but I let’s kind of go segue into that. Like what do you think made her so successful?
Courtney: One. She was she’s so calm. She seems very unflappable.
Dana: Yeah. We asked for the, oh, shit moment. I’m sure there actually were moments, but to her, maybe it just, it wasn’t an oh shit moment. She was like, we can solve this. It’s fine because she was so calm. Yeah, absolutely. Maybe you don’t have oh shit moments, if you’re like total Zen.
Courtney: I do think though, when you’ve been in business for that long, and I’m sure there were like moments that I was like dicey and lean and hard that you can look back and think that they’re really, even though it felt like a low at that time, like all things are working together to get you to where you’re at.
Right? Like I can look back on some aspects of our business that felt like, oh, shit moments at the time. But then we’re like the biggest blessing. Like thank God the universe pointed us in that direction because we would’ve made a bad decision. So maybe it’s just, when you look back after at a 40 plus year career, it’s like, all right, well then obviously you’re still here. Your business is still successful, so nothing could have been that detrimental.
Right, right, right. You know? We’ve failed at some things. It’s just not that scary anymore.
Dana: No, it’s not. Yeah, no. And, and I think it’s, we say that, but we haven’t failed miserably. We haven’t failed with large amounts of finances. Right? So that to me is a scary fail. It’s the financial part. We have failed financially in some ways, certainly, made bad decisions, bad business decisions. We have invested money in the wrong things, certainly, but it hasn’t been like detrimental, financially detrimental. Yeah, we haven’t failed that hard.
Courtney: Yeah. I mean, I think you still have to, you can’t go in on something and not use your common sense, were full of common sense, but to be able to try something, to be able to risk something, to be able to have the confidence, to be able to like, take that step, I think is key because that’s the only way that you have huge successes.
Right. And I loved how she said that she kind of started, they were in different lanes and it was this very small link of social media and marketing wasn’t a thing for her, you know? And it became a very, very wide part of her company. Like how valuable she made herself.
Dana: And how much she allowed her to grow? I love that too, because can you imagine, I think a lot of with mother daughter relationships, you would, I would assume that the mom would kind of take over that overpowering, I’m the mom listened to me and I mean, totally like I’ve been doing this for 30 years. Who the hell are you? Like, listen to what I have to say.
And like, for her to be able to really trust and respect her enough to say like, here’s my opinion, but I ultimately trust you to make the right choices here and yeah. I don’t know. I think that speaks volumes to the relationship.
Courtney: I think it’s also really helpful to walk into a partnership in a healthy business. Like if you’re already like in a healthy spot, I think that it,
Dana: well, it’s automatic respect too. I mean, I’m sure Hilaire had automatic respect for a mother was saying like, oh my God, you’ve grown this thing. And it’s amazing.
Courtney: Being in an unhealthy, like having that stress on top of like having the family dynamic. It’s a lot.
Dana: Yeah. I thought it was interesting that her friend had to point it out to her.
Courtney: Now. I know, I know. Like it wasn’t even a thing. I, I thought for sure she was going to say she went to school for interior design, follow in her mom’s footsteps.
Nope. I love how like readily, when I said, did you ever rebel against it? Judy was like, absolutely. Yes. Yes she did.
Dana: Because all the kids do.
Courtney: I know, I remember thinking that. I remember thinking like, I don’t ever want to be like my, like, I don’t want to do what you do.
Dana: No, no. And like, and I even like, even down to the fact, like, I always say about when Ada or Henry gets married out there, and I was like, thinking of married at the Bradford. Ada was like, absolutely not. We’re going to go elope. Like we’re not getting married in this industry. We’re not doing it. I feel like, is that what they want? I don’t know. It’s what they want.
Courtney: We’re going to Hawaii. That’s right.
Dana: Yeah. I think there is something about that. That’s just like they get, you just get tired of, I don’t know you just want to think outside the box. I don’t know. But I thought also to me, what helps stand the test of time with her is I loved her statement about how stories don’t really change. And so they were talking about their clients, like how, like certainly trends change or yeah.
You know, maybe a need changes, but the stories who they are and what they’re looking for, doesn’t really change. And I find that so true in any business, like yeah. Interior design. Yes. Weddings, like stories don’t change, you know, and I think in anything like, whether you’re like an engineer or own a restaurant, whatever people’s stories, they just, they really don’t change. And I think that’s so interesting
Courtney: Its kind of that same vein where she says stories don’t change. They call themselves a lifestyle advocates. And like, I think in a lifestyle cycle, you go through the same stories.
Like you go through that kind of like young getting started or maybe you’re the professional and now you’re a parent. Now you’re got grandkids, which you have different needs. Now, maybe you’re an aging elderly person, and it’s like the same like cycle with everyone has a similar story. And I’m sure there’s like different nuances obviously to everybody’s story, but to be able to like listen to that client and make something that’s authentic to them. Like, because you’ve seen this story play out. It’s really helpful.
Dana: But don’t you think like when you’re in the, and I think that’s true for a lot of like hospitality client facing jobs, like, do you realize that and don’t you think it makes you a more compassionate person? Because what I’ve realized is at the core of who we are, we’re all the same, because we all have the same.
We all have the same cycle, the same story, the same wants, the same desires. And, you know, sometimes I feel like social media and society and the world wants, saying like, oh no, we’re all different. And like, but really we’re really not all different. Like we all are the same.
Courtney: Yeah. I know we spoke about that a little bit with Billy Warden and it reminds me of that. How, when he writes these stories picking up the humanity and how similar we all are, but maybe like express it a little bit differently and while you’re going through something or moving through your day, there’s like these billions of people simultaneously doing the exact same thing.
Dana: And it’s similar, but I think it’s, I think sometimes like when you are in a job where you’re not exposed to that many different people and you don’t have to work with different people. You forget that, like you like, or you don’t realize that, or you don’t know it. And I think it’s one of those things where everyone’s always said, oh, you should always work in hospitality. Everyone should have a hospitality job at some point. And I do think that’s true because I think it does allow you to, recognize the fact that everyone’s really the same.
Dana: I think the other thing I really love too, and I think also is something I think that we built, built our business on. and I think also helps stand the test of time is when she talks about. When she does something and she was talking specifically about design, like the design has to be authentic, has to be honest.
And it has to be real. Like it can’t, you’re not going to go into somebody’s house and make it, you know, not practical. And so far off to who they are, then someone’s going to walk in and be like, is like, whose house is this right.
Courtney: Who designed the Kardashians house?
Dana: You know, I don’t know, but I, I, but that’s, that’s a really good point. I mean, that’s probably not who they are. It does not. It’s just, it’s just a reflection of, it looks expensive. Maybe that is who they are. It looks fake. Again, maybe that is who they are, right.
Courtney: It’s like a mausoleum.
I know, but I, I really love that. I think that’s just like a great piece of advice in general. No matter, however, you do business, whatever product you’re selling, whatever you are doing as an entrepreneur, you do it in a way that’s authentic, that’s honest, and that’s real. Whether it, whether you’re creating something, whether you’re creating that relationship with somebody or you know, whether it’s a service-based thing, you know, and I, I don’t know.
I, I feel like that’s such a core value of ours is authenticity and honesty. Absolutely. but I loved that. I loved her. Just, I could totally visualize her saying like, there’s this heirloom and you’re just, that’s the real thing. And then everything else around it is built around it.
Courtney: I think that’s a great approach to design in general in general. Yeah. I tend to think that if we weren’t in the events industry that we could be designers.
Courtney: I really do think that.
Dana: I get, I was really curious about like her inspiration because I get stuck in inspiration,
Courtney: I get stuck, and then we’ll go somewhere like really amazing, you know, and be like it could be local too. It could just be like a really well-designed restaurant or a bar or an amazing Caribbean place, whatever. And I feel totally inspired like, like I love those colors or I love that aesthetic. And then we take that back to our events, but I mean, also your house, you know? Right. But you, you do have a very consistent design aesthetic in your house.
Dana: I do. I do.
Courtney: Yeah It’s very Dana, a very like mid-century modern.
Dana: But with some farmhouse vibes and,
Courtney: Farmhouse vibes. Yeah, it’s like mid-century Chip and Joanna.
Dana: Yeah. I like clean lines. I don’t like too much clutter, but I’m also extremely nostalgic.
Courtney: You have so much stuff.
Dana: So I love things that have meaning to them and everything has a story. Like if it’s, if it’s displayed in my house, there is a story behind it and there’s a reason why it’s there.
Courtney: Before we end, let’s go over our fuck-up of the week. Why don’t you share first?
Dana: That’s dirty. This is going to sound really weird, but I feel like this week I’ve let, a lot of projects have been finished, so like, or they’re finished last week. So I think for me, it’s, I don’t know how to be not busy. And I’m like all of a sudden I had this time. And it’s really gives me a lot of anxiety and I’m like, I’m missing something.
Am I forgetting something? And then it’s like, okay, I could do this. I’m like, but I don’t really want to do that. Or before it wasn’t an option, I was like, I have time to do this. You just got to do it. So now it’s like almost I’ve been procrastinating things like grading papers. Cause I’m like, oh, I have time cause I’ll do all this other shit
Courtney: Like you’re almost more productive or more efficient when you have not enough time. But I would charge you to not start hyper-focusing on anything. Oh no, don’t do it.
Dana: I haven’t. But I like. I think I’m still coming down from like the overwhelm that, like, I haven’t done that, but I do feel like it’s a great time to take a pause and say, okay, this is like what I want to do and how I really want to structure the rest of, you know, these next three months, the next quarter, because I don’t believe in structuring my full year because it doesn’t work out that way, but like, how do I want these next few months to go?
Courtney: Yeah, that’s good.
Dana: And figure that out.
Courtney: I’d say my fuck up of the week is allowing things to just kind of like pile up to like a point here and like, I’ll do an easy one. For example, we have two cars now that are out of registration.
Dana: Oh, you personally?
Courtney: Personally. So that’s two that need to get, like, they were both like January, February to
Dana: like go to the DMV? Go and get the thing?
Courtney: No, no, I’m good. The DMV, oh, we have to go get it inspected and taxes done. And like not have the time to like do it at all. It’s like when all those little things kind of like add up. If I could have just like taken care of that, like one in December and one in January and one in whatever. I was really diligent about it for years. Like two years now give getting it on time and I feel like I’ve just failed. Like, it’s all just kind of like crept up on me. I know you guys don’t feel the same.
You just leave it out of registration until they fade away. But that is not the case for me. So I feel like I’m like, so behind on like all the personal paper stuff.
Dana: But like, what we did is this last time they were all out at the same time. So we all got them inspected. And then they got all new tags at the same time, so now they’re due the same month, which is actually super helpful.
Cause it’s not, you just like, it’s one, band-aid just do it all. It’s this maybe that’ll happen this time.
Courtney: Just like one of those things, like I needed to start this tape and stuff off the mental plate, but I have not found the time to go and get it done.
Courtney: Thanks everyone for gathering vest today to talk about the hustle. For our episode, with Judy and Hilaire, we are drinking a peach margarita. We hope you’ll get the chance to make it this week and cheers to releasing that mom guilt. To learn more and connect with Judy and Hilaire you can find design line signature on Instagram at designlinessignature. You can also see their work and learn more by visiting their website, designlinesltd.com
Dana: To learn more about our hustles, you can check us out on the gram at canddevents at thebradfordnc and at hustleandgather. If you’re interested in our speaking training or consulting, please look us up at hustleandgather.com.
Courtney: And if you love this show, we would be more than honored if you left us a rating and review,
Dana: This podcast is a production of Earfluence. I’m Dana
Courtney: and I’m Courtney,
Dana: and we’ll talk to you next time on Hustle and Gather.