Ridiculous personal goals and unsuccessful attempts: Conversations with Sisters

On last week’s episode, you heard Larry Long Jr talk about a personal goal that would mean he’s made it professionally – golfing in 20 different states. Today, Courtney and Dana talk about what dream personal goals they have, and if they’re ridiculous or achieveable. Plus, which sister is better at faking the funk?  And why do we see people stopping when they’re three feet from the finish line?

Transcript

Courtney: Welcome to Hustle and Gather, a podcast about inspiring the everyday entrepreneur to take the leap. I’m Courtney, 

Dana: and I’m Dana,

Courtney: and we’re two sisters who love business. On this show, we talk about the ups and downs with the hustle and the reward at the end of the journey 

Dana: And we know all the challenges that come with starting a business. Between operating our wedding venue, doing speaking and consulting, and starting our luxury wedding planning company, we wake up and hustle every day.

Courtney: And today we’re talking, just the two of us, about last week’s episode with Larry Long Jr, founder and CEO of LLJR Enterprises, which focuses on sales motivation and inspiration, as well as team training. If you haven’t heard last week’s episode, go give it a listen and come back to hear our thoughts.

Dana: All right, court, let’s get started. 

Courtney: I loved how he talked about what I would consider a ridiculous personal goal. So his goal was to golf in 20 different states. I don’t know if it was like in the year or in a lifetime or whatever it was, but he feels like he will have made it if he golfs in 20 different states.

Hmm. So what would be a ridiculous personal goal for you? When do you feel like you’ve made it?   

Dana: I mean, like off the top of my head initially, it would be to have a personal assistant.

Like I was telling us my husband in their day and he looked at me like I was crazy, and I think he’s like very much judged me for this statement, but I am the worst at paying our registration on time and getting the car inspected.

And I was like, I will know I made it in life when I can just go to my assistant, hand her the keys to my car and say, go get my car inspected and go renew my registration so that I’m always driving around a legal car. 

Courtney: Is that a ridiculous, personal goal? I don’t know if that’s ridiculous. I mean, ridiculous would be like, I don’t know. I get a facial every three days. 

Dana: I don’t think that’s ridiculous personal goal either. 

Courtney: I think we need to think bigger.

Dana: Yeah. Maybe I think a personal assistant is really big. Like, I mean that personal assistant can do a lot of things. I mean, I don’t have babies anymore, but I mean, it could be going to the grocery store. It could be doing all the, like the little things you just don’t have time to go do and you forget about. Like the, to keep track of your calendar. You tell him, make like a vet appointment for your dog. I mean, like all these things. 

What’s your, was your getting a facial every three days?

Courtney: No I think it would be having my family like able to travel with me, like if we were like speaking or doing things abroad, I loved the idea of like being able to fully support the family and just have them acquiesce to my schedule.

Dana: That’s not a crazy goal though. 

Courtney: Isn’t that crazy? I don’t know. I think that’s going to be doable. 2022, here we come. 

Dana: I mean, it looks like that. Like they need to get educated. They need be in school. 

Courtney: That’s true. They have to do that. It’s like, maybe I have a tutor for this person. I’ll go crazy.

Dana: It seems crazy. 

Courtney: Yeah. Personal assistant tutor slash babysitter. 

Dana: But I think, I think what I loved the most about him was, well, obviously his energy was number one, but I felt like he was very like real and authentic. I think sometimes when you have someone that has that much energy, you’re they come across as like ingenuine and I did not feel that.

Courtney: I think there was so much realness and when he was saying.

Dana: He was loving it 

Courtney: Yeah. I love that. So happy 

Dana: but we were talking about authenticity and he was saying how people are smarter than we think they are. And I think that so true.

Courtney: That’s when he was saying you can’t fake the funk. Like people could see. 

Dana: Oh yeah. They could just see right through it, yeah.

Courtney:  Do you think you fake the funk sometimes? 

Dana: Sometimes, but I I’m not good at it. Whenever I try, everyone’s like, what’s wrong with you? And I’m like, I actually, I don’t feel really great. Like I have a headache and not really feeling this vibe right now. Like I’m going to go home. Yeah. 

Courtney: I think I have a hard time faking the funk. 

Dana: You do. This 100% accurate. Oh Lord. 

Courtney: There’s times like where I, one I’ve already said this multiple times on this podcast, I am a high functioning introvert, and there’s times in this job where there’s literally no downtime. Like I can’t get away. I can’t get in my mind. I can’t do what I need to do to recharge because I just got to go on to the next thing. And there’s times where I just can’t do it. Like I literally, I’m sitting there and networking a bit and I’m like, I can’t talk to you anymore. I’m done. Dana, she’s calling me or wait, do you need a drink? I’m going to the bathroom.

Dana: Well, the last networking event we had invited, I invited someone and I had already invested like a solid 45 minutes with this person. And I was like, no one’s around me. No one saved me. And it was, the conversation was fine. Like it was great, but it was more the fact that I wanted to go talk to somebody else. I’m there to network. Like I needed to like get off of this train. Like I needed to go do my thing somewhere else. And so. Courtney abandoned me.

And so then at dinner, I was like, dude, like you left me alone. She was like, yeah, I know. Sorry. So then at the end I got stuck in the same situation and she comes up and I was like, oh great, Courtney is going to do something. She’s like, someone needs me. And she walks and leaves me alone again for 30 minutes. I was like, oh my God, I’m going to kill you.

Courtney: I couldn’t do it. I sat there for like 10 minutes and I was like; this is never ending. I’m going back inside. Hm, I was done. That’s over it. Yes. So yeah, I have a hard time faking the funk. 

Dana: Yeah, obviously. Sometimes you have to fake the funk just in general, just to get through some things. But I do, I agree, a hundred percent, that authenticity always wins out. And I think it’s what makes a lot of people successful is the authenticity of it all. 

Courtney: So I love how he talked about having a coach. I’m like, do we need a coach? We probably do need a coach. 

Dana: I think everyone could benefit from a coach; I know. No matter how successful you are, you need a coach. 

Courtney: So I like how he said, like the coach keeps them accountable, right. To like what he’s, I guess what his business goals are. He said it was like a performance coach.

Dana: Yeah. I’m sure it’s about speaking. I would assume. 

Courtney: But what aspect of your life, like, would you want some sort of coach or like an invest in accountability? 

Dana: I think for me what would be really helpful is, and this is probably more therapy than it is coaching, I think is a lot of it, but it’s, it’s saying what I need to say in the moment and having like the grace with somebody and also the strength with somebody to stand up for myself. And I say that in a lot of, not like I should speak up all the time, but there’s a lot of times I let things just pass because I just don’t want to make other people uncomfortable.

And then there’s a lot of times that I shouldn’t say the things that I say, like, I should let the moment pass and then, so like working on those, the timing of that, you know? I think it would be super helpful. 

Courtney: Is there some deeper sister talk that we should be having? 

Dana: No. No. I, I think about like, so I think I’ve said this to you last week. We had in one of our employees, they are not great at putting stuff away after events. And so they had this folding table and they just left it literally in the path when you walk into the office, right. And it was there for like a week. And I walked out the office Monday and it was still there and it just like pissed me off.

So I walked back in the office. I was like, can somebody put this table away? I was like, I know it’s none of y’all’s fault, but you’re more than welcome to text such and such and let them know that you put away this table for them, like. And they’re like, yeah, we can put the table away. And I got the car and I was like, oh, I probably shouldn’t have been that salty.

It was not really the smart boss thing to do, is to like speak negatively almost about somebody in the office. So she would just take, taken a moment and, you know, like, but like I was annoyed. Like I was frustrated at like the lack of respect for our space and this person and, you know, but that wasn’t appropriate.

Courtney: I don’t know, I walked in yesterday and I was like, this looks like a recycling center. Can we please do something about this? 

Dana: I know it did. 

Courtney: Why do we have boxes everywhere? 

Dana: I know. What about you? What would you…? 

Courtney: I don’t know, sometimes I feel like I just need like, like businesses going fine. I need like all the rest of the life coach. 

Dana: I will agree with that. You need get your shit together. Like you need to figure out how to wake up in a timely fashion, how to blow dry your hair. 

Courtney: I know I need that. I’m aware. I need to figure out how to like get groceries in the house and like a semi consistent way. Yes, I know. I’m like I’m failing on all those life aspects. 

Dana: I think fail’s a really strong word. I think you are suffering through it. 

Courtney: I am. I told my kids today and they’re all home from school. Cause they all have this head cold and blah, blah, blah. And I’m like, I understand you’re sick. Both y’all look good enough to do something in this house. So I want this dishwasher unloaded. I want the kitchen done. I want the floor swept. I want the family room picked up. I was like, you need to take some time out of your day.

I am literally suffocating. Like you were suffocating me in this house. I’d like to be able to breathe easy when I get home. Mikael was like, they have been doing things. Don’t make them feel bad. I’m like, they don’t feel bad, like they can do it. And I didn’t say it in a mean way. In a matter of fact, these are my expectations kind of way.

Don’t fail me, don’t do it. But yeah, I think it’s like the life thing, like, I don’t know. I can’t, I don’t know. I don’t be grudge it, like I have great kids, things get paid on time. My car is inspected. I drive legally all the time and have new tires. Like, I’m not saying like I’m failing all the things, it’s just like crazy chaos. 

Dana: I think that one, we were never taught accountability for ourselves, I think in a lot of ways, like we weren’t. Like we, our parents never cared what we look like when we walked out of the house. Like, it was never like there was ever an and I don’t think that’s a really negative, but I never learned to like, you know, put myself together, you know?

until I was in college and it was my roommates who put the pressure on me, like get yourself together. And I was like, oh, okay. I guess I need to make myself look somewhat presentable, you know, and it’s not all the time.

Courtney: We should unpack their childhood.

Dana: We probably should, but that’s not the point. but I realized for me, like I feel better knowing what I’m having for dinner when I get home, and knowing like my schedule and knowing that like, oh, I’m going to take a shower in my morning and blow dry my hair.

And then the next day I’m going to wear it straight. And the third day I’m going to curl it in the fourth day, wear a ponytail. Like I know that, and for some reason it just gives me a lot of peace, like having my life planned like that. 

Courtney: Like, do you know what outfit you’re going to wear with this hair? What if your outfit dictates another hairstyle than the one that you planned? 

Dana: Well the hair dictates the outfit because you know, I’m only going to wash it every four days. 

Courtney: Right. Got it. What, if something happens like a rain shower or?

Dana: It’s really annoying in the summertime, it is true. Go for a hike or something. It all, it all gets haywire. And then, you know, there’s stress. 

Courtney: Interesting. Yes, but that’s what I would say, I need a general life coach. 

Dana: Yeah. Well, I think one of the biggest things we talked about with him that I loved, kind of switching gears here was failure as an unsuccessful attempt. I felt that very deep. 

Courtney: Yeah, I think it’s in every aspect of life. I mean, you just said you made great plans for your hair and sometimes there’s a failure during the week, 

Dana: and it’s an unsuccessful attempt at my plan. It’s one of those things as a parent, you notice how you start to ingrain in your kids, that fear, the fear of failure, which then I think turns into shame and disappointment. And it’s really interesting, like my initial reaction when they like make a mistake, it’s to like rail at it. Like, you know, why did you do this? Like, that was so like not smart or whatever. And really that’s like the initial thought, but it’s like, you know, I don’t want them to be afraid to mess up. Like I don’t have to be afraid that they dumped something on the floor on accident because that’s an accident. I mean, the messiest person in our house is their father who drops coffee all the damn time. Like it happens, you know? I don’t yell at him about that. 

So it’s like, recognizing like, hey, you failed this. Like, like why? Like what did you do wrong? Not in like an accusatory way, but like, how can you be better the next time? Like, what can I do to help you be more successful in your next attempt? And you know what, it’s fine. It happens like you failed and you can try again tomorrow. Like you can try to be better the next time. Like it’s not about like that shame with it. Cause I think we felt that so much as kids. 

Courtney: Yeah, but there was a difference between like failure and not being conscientious or not trying, right? Like you think if you, if you know, your kid is like doing the best that they can do, and it’s like, let’s say they come out with a C or they aren’t great at that sport right. But it’s the best that they can do. Like you’re not going to make them feel bad about that. But if it’s something where it’s just like negligence or they’re just not doing what you’ve asked them to do, or you know, that they’re not giving their all then, or even 80% of their effort, right, then I think there’s difference between like the working for something. And, 

Dana: yeah. But would you say that’s failing. Like, would you characterize that in their mind as you have failed at something, you have failed at doing what I’ve asked you to do, you have failed at putting forth your best effort? Or would you unpack it further and say like, why I didn’t do what I asked you to do? Why didn’t you put forth your best effort? Like, why was this attempt so mismanaged? 

Courtney: Well, I think I can see it more, like, say like with sports. All of our kids have tried different sports. None of them are like phenoms. No one’s like getting a scholarship on their prowess. They, from what I can tell at this point, not discounting it, but it seems that way. And I think where we wrong, like when Mason signed up for basketball. It was really hard for Mason and it was equally as hard for me, like being in the stands and watching him attempt to play basketball. Like it was really hard. Every, every practice I was pumping them up, I’m like, you’re so brave. I know this is so hard. And then I was like, I don’t know, who’s kid that is, you know, just, just keep a wide berth when you like walk out, I’ll meet you in the car, actually, you know, like it was kind of like that.

And he knew that, I knew, the coach knew that, right. And we made them stick with it. Like we’re like you signed up for the team. You have to stick with this. Should I have just said like, all right buddy, as opposed to like degrading your personal opinion of yourself. Like every time we go out on this court, I mean, he stuck with it. He stuck with it to the very end, and I felt like that was like a lesson, and even when it’s hard, you stick with it, you support your team, blah, blah, blah. But should I have just said this isn’t your jam. We all know it. Let’s call a spade a spade, give everyone a collective sigh of relief and we’ll move on.

Dana: I don’t know. I probably would do the same thing you did.

Courtney: I know. I know you would have, because we have the same parents, but why wasn’t it okay for him to say, I want to try basketball. We’re like, well, missed up there. 

Dana: I don’t know. That’s a good question. I think there’s something like when you were saying that, like, like in like it’s pushing back on me, it’s about the team. It’s not about the actual like ability level. It’s like you committed to something, stick with that commitment. I mean, I don’t know why that’s like my initial thought. 

Courtney: I know, but then you’re like, okay, it’s not fine to fail. Even if he’s failing every day, you know? And we joke about it now. Like I can, like, he’s like, I think I’m going to sign up for basketball and I’m like, don’t put me through that again.

He’s laughing. He’s like, I’m joking, right? Yeah. Like he knows, all right. He wasn’t unaware, because I would’ve been fine. Like if he was like unaware and he was enjoying doing it, like that was his thing and it wasn’t affecting him. Like, absolutely. Go ahead. Do your thing, whatever. Yeah. So, I don’t know, it’s like this ingrained thing. 

Dana: Yeah, but I think what I love of, I think, when you’re talking about like on the business side of things, like anytime, like we can list out our failures on multiple hands, right. 

Courtney: I can think of failures this week. 

Dana: I know. And at the time you’re like, it’s a failure. And I love, I just loved the reframing of this was an unsuccessful attempt at trying to do something. Like it makes, it gives you a little bit more freedom, like, okay. Like I’m, it kind of changes that internal dialogue. 

Courtney: In fact, I think we’re going to have a conversation with somebody and it’s going to start with, this was an unsuccessful attempt. I know lets reframe. 

Dana: Yes. That is coming up.

Courtney: That’s coming up. 

Dana: But yeah, no, I just loved that. I thought that was, I was like one of us, probably like my favorite takeaway, truly 

Courtney: Yeah. One of my favorite takeaways was the, you are three feet from gold. Like literally I had like goosebumps when he said that, because I felt that with people. I am like but your right there now take the step.

Dana: It is so frustrating being at the finish line and watching someone three feet from it. And they’re just like, I can’t do it. It’s not worth it. And you’re like, what? Here? Just take three more steps and you’ll be there now, but it’s so it, but it is maddening to be on that other side. 

Courtney: Like that’s probably how you thought the Ada’s meet, just recently when she ran into the, 

Dana: bless her soul 

Courtney: as she ran into what she, she 

Dana: Oh, they had like a tunnel of flags and she went on the wrong side of the tunnel and she’s finishing, she’s literally three feet from the finish line. She did so well, and she did well regardless. And the coach is telling her to get to the other side and somehow in her like two mile like euphoric finish. Like she thought she could go under the flags that she was running. And so the whole thing just like collapsed and she’s like took the whole thing down.

Now they’re tangled in the flags, like trying to get her arm over the finish line so I can stop her time. It’s very entertaining. She laughed a lot about it, but yeah, no, but it was very much like that. You’re like, come on, just follow it. Just keep on going, like, don’t look at the flag. Just keep going. But yeah, I did like the stick-with-it-ness, I think is what the hard part about it is.

And I think it’s, I mean I think you see it in everybody. I don’t think it’s like a generational thing. I think it’s a people thing. They don’t have that tenacity or that grit to continue on. 

Courtney: Yeah. I think that people have different expectations of how things are going to go when they get started on a project or a business or whatever. And if those expectations aren’t met, then they consider it a failure or like it’s not going to happen, right. And I feel like it’s more about being open to your expectations shifting and whatever it is the universe is going to give you pertaining to that and to be able to, to use that, to make it across that finish line. I think the Bradford doesn’t look anything, like I thought it would.

Dana: But I really, so this is kind of piggyback on what we were talking about. Like he was saying like how he spoke for free and he realized he really loved it. And someone’s like, hey, you can make money doing it. And he was like at the time he was like, I’m fine. And then he was like, no, I should do this. 

Like when your passion aligns with what you can be successful at is, that’s like really great. But I feel like, I think that a lot of times, not all the time, those people that are three feet from the gold. I think it’s because they don’t have that same passion and intention.

Like I, when I see people that just stop and you’re like, oh my gosh, you’re, you’re right there. And they’re stopping and they’re stopping. Cause they’re afraid, because they’re not making the paycheck they want to make or whatever. I look at it, and I don’t think you were truly passionate about it. Like you were getting into it for a paycheck, not you’re getting a paycheck about something that you loved.

Right, and that’s a very different mindset. And I think that when you are the, because that’s how we were, it wasn’t all about a paycheck. It was like, hey, this is something we are passionate about. We really want to do, and we love, and we can make money doing it. But for a very long time, we made no money doing it.

Right, and we still did it. And our passion changed in our, you know, reason. 

Courtney: Your why can change. 

Dana: Totally, yeah. But now you’re like, okay, this lines up, like my passion and my success lines up, and that’s a great feeling. Yeah. But we, we should have there’s many times that we were three feet from the gold and they wanted to quit. 

Courtney: Oh yeah. There’s many times I wanted to quit. 

Dana: I’d be like this isn’t worth it. 

Courtney: Plus I think you have to have enough skin in the game. You know what I mean? It has to be like painful to quit, yeah. Like for us, for us to quit, it would have been a life shift right. 

Dana: I think that is true, but I, I do also think that people value comfort more than anything else. And when they’re uncomfortable, they’re just like, I’m done. I’m out. Like, I don’t want to feel this way.

I don’t want to feel stressed. I don’t want to feel overwhelmed. If it doesn’t feel good, I don’t want to do it. And like a lot of business entrepreneurship is a lot of not feeling good. It’s like a lot of highs and a lot of lows and there’s very few like plateaus. Hey that rhymes. 

Courtney: I loved how he talked about the power of choice and intentionality. Sometimes I feel that way too, for me, like when I talk about my life, I’m like, oh, I’m just choosing wrong. 

Dana: Well, yeah, but I also feel like there, we become martyrs in a lot of ways, like, oh my, I don’t have control over this.

That this is just what I, this is, this is my schedule this weekend. I don’t have control over it. I’m like, no, I actually do have control over my life. 

Courtney: Do they have a business partner named Dana that’s scheduled every 30 minutes? No, I’m joking.

Dana: But no, but there is, there is choice in it at the end of the day. And you do lie to yourself and say, you don’t have a choice. Like, I don’t have a choice. Like I have to work this hard. I have to do this. I have to work till 10:00 PM. I have to wake up at 5:30. I, I have to, I have to, I have to. And I think when you are fooling yourself that you have to, and that you don’t have a choice, it’s when you start hating what you do.

Like I started recently waking up at five in the morning to answer emails for an hour before the family wakes up. And Sam’s the first, the first time it seems like, why are you doing this? I was like, I just have to, I have so many emails to get through.

And like the second day I realized I didn’t have to do it, but I was like, I’m going to get up and get up and do it in anyways, third day I was like, this is like, I’m so productive. Like, I feel like I can relax at work. Like I’m not like super stressed. And then Sam, the other night, it was like, do you have to get up at 5:30?

And I was like, I don’t have to, but I’m choosing to, because it makes my day so much better and I actually enjoy it. And it’s, I’m taking control of my busy schedule that I feel like out of control about, you know? I just totally subscribed to that, like we have the power to choose so many things that we believe we don’t. 

Courtney: That’s my thoughts about drinking. Not that I have like a drinking problem, but for over a month, like I just didn’t drink anything. I had like something at networking events and then like took the next month off because I just had so much to do. And I knew that when I had a drink at night and just took me out of the game, right.

Like I wasn’t going to be productive after that. I wasn’t going to like, do my yoga or, or get on an email or get the stuff out that I needed to get out. Like it was just going to get pushed along to the next day. And I did feel really good about it. There’s something about making a choice that’s so that you don’t have to, no, one’s forcing you to do it.

You’re just making the choice and it’s so empowering. Right? You’re like, I am kind of like choosing my destiny. It’s like you choose your own ending novel. Like I’m getting to pick the ending here because I chose this direction, right. I mean, it was definitely very helpful for sure. Still not waking up at five o’clock in the morning. I just don’t think I; I just don’t think I’m that person, literally. 

Dana: I’m not really a morning person at all, but I think, I think what I love about it is I don’t have to talk to anybody like, and I actually really love that because we are a family of non-morning people and no one talks to each other in general.

And so it always gets really snippy, but I can be more headed if I’ve already been awake for an hour. And I don’t feel that same angst when you’re trying to ask me about the cereal, I’m like, I don’t know, get a bowl of cereal trying to get my coffee.

Courtney: No, but I think I, I feel that way too, in terms of like, like the power of choice, I felt that way in business sometimes like some things just kind of fall and get reshuffled and then I’m all of a sudden responsible for things that I wasn’t responsible for.

Or I find myself in a role that I didn’t choose to be in. Do you know what I mean? Yeah, and I think that’s where, like you talking about you’re F-it list like, what am I doing? What can I outsource? What is absolutely necessary for me to do? And really when it comes down to it, there’s very few things in our business that are absolutely necessary for me to do.

Right. Like I can be replaced by any multiple people, right. But that yet you have this kind of like oh, I’m going to take it on. And I think too, like digesting this a little bit. When I think about that is sometimes, I feel like I do some of these things for others, other people’s perceptions, not because it’s what’s best for me or what’s best for my company.

Like I’ve I really struggle with that. Like I struggle with that. Like the other night when we were at the open house and we were breaking it down and I mean, I want to be a team player, make everybody feel like I’m there doing whatever. And finally, it was at a point I looked at Molly and I was like, you’re going to shut this down.

Right, like, I’m not, I don’t want to wait until all everything’s out. This is what I pay you to do, right. This is your gig. Right, and she’s like, yeah, sure. I’m going to like, shut it down or whatever. And just to even be able to like, say that like, like, I don’t have to do the same thing that you’re doing. I don’t have to do the same thing that I’m paying you to do. 

Dana: Right, yeah. But that’s a, that’s a mind shift or I guess a shift in the attitude that we never had the privilege to do, because we’ve always been like, Hey, we’re in the trenches with you, we’re in the trenches with you. We’re here and, and you know, when you finally get to that point where you don’t have to be in the trenches, it’s hard to reframe your mind because then you feel like they’re just judging you.

And I don’t think they actually are judging us. We could ask them. But and I also have a really hard time sometimes talking about choice, the power of choice, because it comes across to me as extremely privileged in a lot of ways. Like I recognize my privilege that I have a choice for lots of things, you know, and I don’t want to discount because I spent so much time of my life where you would have that kind of comparison or that FOMO on social media, like, oh, this person gets to have a brand-new car or this person gets to go on vacation or whatever. And it’s like, oh, that must be nice. Oh, that must be nice to be able to do that. I must be nice. I have to work a thousand hours. It must be nice to be able to see your family on a Saturday.

It must be nice. Must be nice. And, and you kind of get into this. Well, they’re so lucky. They’re so privileged, blah, blah, blah. And there are things that they can, that you’re afforded because of circumstances in your life, yeah. But I feel like there’s a lot of things that at that time, when I’m like looking at this person saying I’m so envious, I could have made those same choices.

I just chose not to make those same choices. You know what I mean? It’s like some things, some things yeah, but not everything. It wasn’t like I made the choice to take on 20 something weddings one year. It wasn’t like the business needed it; it wasn’t going to fail if I didn’t right, right. That was my choice.

It was my choice to stress out my schedule. It was my choice to, to choose to, you know, not have a family vacation that year because he wanted to do something else. You know? Like it’s, it’s like recognizing what is a privilege and what is actually a power of your decision. 

Courtney: So maybe it’s just my choice. It was my choice 16 years ago when we started this journey to be able to walk away from an open house before it’s broken down. 

Dana: Yeah, no, I know that that is hard. 

Courtney: It’s hard because the ambiguity is hard. I think. 

Dana: It’s, I, I personally feel like what’s so hard as we are in a season of life that we’ve never been in and we’ve been gone from zero to 60. We’ve always been, I can say this, we’ve always been that martyr leader. You’ve always been the one, like we’ve made less than everybody. Like we work so hard. Still work very hard, so less hours, but life is getting better. And I was telling somebody the other day, I was like, this is the first year I look at Sam and I was like, I feel well compensated for my job.

Courtney: And it’s the only time I’ve ever said that. But it’s weird. 

Dana: You have to justify it. You can’t, you can’t even celebrate successes. Like, you know, like you can’t even celebrate things cause you’re just like, you don’t want to seem so braggartly. 

Courtney: Like when concerning like cars or whatnot, someone said to me one time about it must be nice. And it feels weird to have somebody tell you. And I know I’ve said that to people like that must be nice, but have someone tell that to you? Oh, that must be nice. 

Dana: It is very nice. 

Courtney: Well, yeah, I was talking to Krista, my best friend and she was like, oh, did you get your new car? And I was like, yeah, I got my new car. Do you love it? And I like. I love it more than I care to admit Krista really, it’s just not fitting with my brand identity. Like I’m having a really hard time. She’s like, I know, where those people we always made fun of. I’m like, I know, and I’m really having a hard time adjusting to it. So thank you for letting me voice this concern with you. It’s so true though. I know so true because I don’t even identify with it. 

Dana: So for those listening, we should probably like, we got new cars through the business this year because of business, like it was kicking ass, 

Courtney: Kicked ass and take names is really what it is. 

Dana: Right. And we got it for a tax deduction, honestly. We both got brand new cars and it’s like the nicest car either of us have ever owned in our entire life. Nobody knows about it other than our employees, because it’s parked in the parking lot. 

Courtney: They’re like, did you get new cars? We’re like, yes. 

Dana: But we’re not going to tell anybody else because it feels weird.

Courtney: It’s a weird, it’s totally weird. I know. I know. So probably shouldn’t feel that way. We’re going to work on that. You’re going to work on that. All right. what else?

Dana: I think this is a great thing to kind of like wrap up the conversation because I think it speaks to a lot of who he is, is like kind of that self-manifestation. Like I loved when he was about how his mom like, had him say like every night I am somebody. Yeah, like one, like how powerful is it just to say I am somebody like, just like just that gave me goosebumps, but it made me think about what would I tell myself? What do I need to tell myself every day for a year to believe it?

Courtney: I guess I am worthy. 

Dana: Hmm. That’s a good one. Like you’re worthy of a new car. 

Courtney: I’m worthy of that new car that I drive. I am worthy of the ridiculous present that my husband gave me for my birthday. Like I am worthy. Like I just celebrated my 40th birthday and I honestly, like never felt more celebrated.

Like I know that was the goal. Like I get that like goal achieved for sure. I know it’s a yearlong celebration, so I don’t know what’s coming down the pipeline, but I told my dad he’s like, are you, oh, so we’re done celebrating you. I’m like, no, you better have something there. You got to, you got to trump what just happened.

Extravagant gifts, ended with a literally, the birthday trip that Dana planned out for a surprise, ended with picking up the cars. And it was like a really amazing moment, like to be 40 and be like, I like worked towards this, like this, this is where I’m at. This is 40, this is it. But just to even feel like worthy of all of the effort that someone else put into my celebrating me just felt, I don’t know.

I know I talk a big game, but I’m a pretty unassuming person in terms of like how I live my life. Yeah. You know what I mean? Yeah. It’s always been like, what does, what do you need? What do you need? What do you need? What’s leftover? I’ll take that.

Dana: You’re like the constant mother. 

Courtney: Yeah. I am. Let me go. I’m everybody’s mother, a big sister. And so it was just very, I mean, I felt like emotional about it, which is odd in itself. I was like, I really, it means a lot that you did all this, you know? Yeah. But 

Dana: because you are worth it. 

Courtney: I know. But just to tell myself, like, I’m worthy of this, like all of these things that are coming down, the pipeline, all of the crazy, crazy things that are come this year and where we’re at in the business and what it’s able to, the lifestyle is able to afford myself and my family and the things I’m going to be able to do that I am worthy of that. I’m not just living somebody else’s life that I just backdoored my way into. 

Dana: Yeah, I don’t know. I, I struggle with. There’s two things that always come to mind for me, it’s the, I am enough. Like I am enough in general. 

Courtney: You’re more than enough. 

Dana: But the other one I actually really struggle with is I am a good person. And I say this all the time, whenever I’m fighting with my husband. I was like, I’m a good person. He’s like, I’ve never said you aren’t a good person. And I was like, but I’m telling you to convince myself that I am a good person. And I think, I think because I’m an intense person and I have high expectations that for me, I feel like I deal with conflict more. Like I have conflicts more than probably normal people, because I have more emotions about people.

Like I care deeply about them. So when you care about somebody, they hurt your feelings more. Right, that’s just the truth of it. And so, sometimes when you’re in that season of life where you’re just being disappointed, which I feel like I’ve been going through a lot in the past year. Like I remember her telling us to Sam and I was like, I’m looking at my, all my relationships.

Right, and all I can think of is it’s me. Like, I’m the common denominator. Like I am the problem. Like it has to be me. It makes no other sense. And he’s like, well, they’re your relationships. So you are the common denominator, but it doesn’t mean that you’re the problem in all the relationships or whatever, but I don’t know.

 Am I a good friend? Am I a good mother? Am I a good person? Am I a good boss? Am I a good daughter? Like you constantly have to convince yourself that I’m a good person. You know? 

Courtney: I think that’s very deep Dana, you are a good person. And I think that maybe your description or your definition of good should be based on how you feel, yeah. I mean, stop making your description of what’s good by how someone else reacts to you, but how you feel in that situation.

Dana: Thank you everyone for gathering us today to talk about the hustle. for our episode with Larry, we picked an amaretto sour with three cherries. We hope you’ll get the chance to make it this week and cheers to doing something that matters. To learn more about Larry Long Jr. and his business visit larrylongjr.com or follow him on Instagram @longjr7. You can also find him on LinkedIn, Facebook and YouTube by searching Larry Long Jr. You definitely want to check out his Midweek Midday Motivational Minute.

Courtney: And to learn more about our hustles visit canddevents.com, thebradfordnc.com, and hustleandgather.com or follow us on Instagram at canddevents, at thebradfordnc, and at hustleandgather. If you liked the show, be sure to subscribe and leave us a rating and a review.

Courtney: This product is a production of Earfluence. I’m Courtney. 

Dana: And I’m Dana.

Courtney: And we’ll talk with you next time on Hustle + Gather.

Full Episode Transcript

If you haven’t listened to last week’s episode with sales coach and motivational speaker Larry Long Jr, check it out on Apple Podcasts, Spotify, or any other podcast app.

Hustle and Gather is hosted by Courtney Hopper and Dana Kadwell, and is produced by Earfluence.  Courtney and Dana’s hustles include C&D Events, Hustle and Gather, and The Bradford Wedding Venue.

Amplify Your Expertise
About the Author
At Earfluence, we are proud to produce this podcast. We believe in sharing amazing stories, providing knowledge to the world, and celebrating diverse voices. Through podcasting, our clients are amplifying their expertise, expanding their networks, building a content engine, and growing their influence. If you're interested in podcasting, we'd love to hear from you! Schedule your free 15 minute podcast consult today.