On last week’s episode (Apple Podcasts | Spotify), Ryann Dowdy talked about overcoming an unhealthy relationship with sales and how her best sales events happened when she could show the messiness of her life.
Today, Courtney and Dana unpack that episode and discuss how we’re constantly being sold to whether we realize it or not, and the hamster wheel of striving for the unattainable perfect life.
Transcript
Courtney: I need to take what I need to take because I needed to become healthy. And that was how I was going to be the better spouse and the better business partner and the better mom and all of those things. Cause I do think that’s a scary place to be in where someone asks you these questions and you’re like, I have no idea.
Welcome to Hustle and Gather, a podcast about inspiring the everyday entrepreneur to take the leap. I’m Courtney
Dana: And I’m Dana
Courtney: and we’re two sisters who have started multiple businesses together, and yes, it’s as messy as you think. We know that starting a business isn’t easy.
Dana: I mean, we’ve done it four times. And on this show, we talk about the ups and downs of the hustle and the reward at the end of the journey.
Courtney: And we love helping small businesses succeed, whether that is through our venue consulting, speaking, team training, we love to motivate others to take those big leaps.
Dana: Or you can just use our misadventures to normalize the crazy that is being an entrepreneur, because every entrepreneur makes mistakes.
Courtney: And we like to call those unsuccessful attempts around here.
Dana: And we know it’s just part of the process. And today we’re talking, just the two of us about last week’s episode with Ryann Dowdy. Ryann is the owner of Social Sellers Academy, where she helps seven and eight figure CEOs generate daily sales on demand without more of their time by building and training high performing sales teams.
Courtney: All right, let’s get started. Are you ready to roll deep Dana? Cause I feel like that was such a deep conversation.
Dana: I know. And like we actually saw the schedule for this week and we, she interviewed us on her podcast the day before. after we had that podcast, I was like, oh, this is going to be a good one because she had such good energy.
Courtney: I think we’re going to talk, start with, when am I, like, when do you feel like you’re subliminally being, sold to like a lot that we talked about with Ryann was about sales, which I think was only like a tip of the iceberg.
It was so much more personal stuff, but I think we should talk a little bit about sales. When do you feel like you’re being sold to?
Dana: because she said people ask, am I being sold to, and she’s like, yes all the time. I mean, obviously if I’ve been subliminal, do I know, but times when you’ve realized you’ve been sold to like, and you’re like what? Courtney: I mean, besides the hair products, which we’ve already talked about Dana: talked about in great detail. about my hair products. I honestly, I think the one, I didn’t start noticing until I was a bit older, was like placed ads in TV shows, like where they would have, cause since you remember, like when you would watch like Friends or even like Saved by the Bell, they always had like weird names for like their sodas. It wasn’t like the same name or like they would have one letter missing, you know? Cause they didn’t want to pay, I guess I don’t know. Courtney: Use fees? Or I don’t know. Dana: but now it’s not like that at all. It’s there’s like very proudly Coca Cola or Honey Bunches of Oats or like I don’t know. Anything else. Courtney: Yeah, I know it wasn’t a thing before. Also a new thing too, with commercials is like combining brands. Have you noticed that? Where it’s like, it might be like your Coca Cola and your Cheetos, like they’re using the same commercial time in space. Yeah, totally. Dana: But I mean, I think anytime you go out, I mean, anytime you’re being sold to, like, I think, when we started looking for cars I realized how many more cars are like the road, and you’re like looking at them and you’re like, pondering, like, oh, that’s a nice car. It’s nice-looking car. And then you’d be like, hey, well I saw this car and let’s just check it out and see if it’s worth, you know, test driving. Courtney: I feel like I’m constantly being sold to honestly, like, whether it’s like, they’re selling me on like a lifestyle or like a brand or like someone attainable thing. Like, it feels I’m being sold to constantly. Dana: So, so constantly I’ve noticed too, like, as I Like, cause I try to scroll reels like maybe five, 10 minutes a day to just get content ideas for us. And I have noticed in the past month, like, I can’t even find real people, like it’s just all sponsored content or it’s like things that are just so like, and they, and they all say the same thing. So I’ve been getting on this, like kick for lunch or I’ve been making like salads and I’d get these recipes from Instagram, cause they’re pretty good. Right? And so now I get targeted added all the time. So like I get all these influencers who are making these salads and they all say like, today, I’m going to make this salad and it has the best dressing. It’s so good. I could drink it literally the like, and I’m look at him like, are they using the same audio? Like, is it the same thing? They’re not. And I’m like, this is so stupid. Like you can’t want to drink every single one. Courtney: And who are these people drinking their salad dressings? Dana: but who would want to? I mean, it’s just, it’s not all of them are that good. Some of them are okay. Courtney: Some are not drinkable. Dana: No, but some are really good. You’re like, wow, this is really yummy, but not every single one. Courtney: Yeah. I mean, I feel like life is one big sales pitch and it’s just about what you’re buying into. Dana: But I just think it was always like that though. I mean, you think about like, even back before, before technology, I mean, you were being sold every time you went into like, think, of, think about like, you know, Courtney: Who didn’t want a Billabong jacket? Dana: Right? Well, not, I’m not even, I’m talking like way back when, like, when you has like horse and carriage buggies, like, right like you’re always being sold to. it’s always about like what people wore and you always, you know what I mean? Courtney: yeah. I mean, like, as humans we consume things like we can’t just walk around in our skin. Right. Like we have to obtain something to be able to live our life, whether that’s like clothes, shoes. And I think that early on, you know, these products were like solving a need. They were solving a hole, right. Like. You’re tired of being cold, going outside to the bathroom. Let’s bring your toilet inside indoor plumbing. Like that was a thing that was sold at one point, which just seems common sense now. Dana: but isn’t that like the heart of all business? it’s to fill a need for something? Courtney: But you have to sell that. Like, you’ve got to convince people that they need this, that their life is going to be better because of it. And I feel like now it’s just like 3,011 variations of all of those things. So it’s just so hard to like, determine like, what is it that I need? Which one is the best? Or do I even need this? Or, you know, like what’s going on. So I definitely think life is one big sales pitch. Dana: I agree. Courtney: Yeah. Dana: I feel like one of the things that like really like hit home to me was when she was talking about that feeling of rush, because I do feel that very deeply, like rushed all the time. Like all the time and it’s not like, oh, I don’t have enough time in the day, but it just feels like this constant marathon, like every day. Courtney: It’s tiring days. Dana: It is. And I, and I, and I think what hit me was how she was like, that’s like, she’s like, oh, that I just assumed that was normal. And I was like, yeah, that, that is normal. Like, is that not normal? Like to be in this season of life when you have kids who are in sports and you’re so like, you know, one kid gets home from school and you’re doing homework. The other one you had to go pick up from practice and you get home and you do dinner and you have all the things you need to deal with right, and her saying like, that’s not life, that’s not normal. It’s like, well then what is? Courtney: I think it’s what you make it and what you allow, especially when it comes to like kids and stuff. I know there’s many people who limit their kids to like one thing. Like you can pick one thing. Dana: Yeah. But we like, we do. Like the kids have one sport, but you have two kids who are both doing sports. Like this week, for example, there is some rescheduled games and then Ada’s team made it to play offs. So between the two kids, we had eight baseball, basketball games. Courtney: It’s a lot. Dana: It’s a lot, and they’re not, and they’re in the evening. So like last night we didn’t get home till eight o’clock and it’s just like, I’m not going to take that away from them. And at the same time, like how do you build in space for anything else? Courtney: Yeah, I mean, I’m not saying, I mean, I think that your week is, this week in particular as somewhat of an anomaly between like business being so busy and family being so busy. I mean, between basketball games, you have a wedding. How often do you have a wedding that you’re in charge of? You have your daughter’s birthday coming up. So this week is, our parents are coming into town. So there is a lot like on this week, but I do think, and I think seasonal is fine. I think it’s, ridiculous, I think that there’s not going to be seasons where you’re just feeling rushed and you have to put out at the highest level as you can put out, but is it sustainable? Dana: Right? Courtney: It’s not sustainable. So I think rushed is fine for a week. It’s fine for two weeks. I mean, she even talked about six months when she was pregnant and she knew she was going to have this, this baby that she was going to quit her full-time job afterwards. I’m sure that was a really packed and difficult six months, but she saw the light at the end of the tunnel. And I think for you that, there is no light. Right, so there’s nothing, so there’s literally like nothing that you feel like you’re rushing towards such that, oh, let me rush, put out more energy, rush harder, because I’m going to get to this eventually that you’ve like lost hope of the light. Dana: Well, yeah, but there, and I, and I do think, and I think about, so I think about this week in like retrospect, right? Like, okay. Like what if I was a teacher? What if I worked at nine to five jobs? I’m not saying it wouldn’t be busy, but I, I could go home and like go to the game. And I did enjoy the game. I sweat, sweat through my shirt, I was so stressed out cause it was like the semifinals and they, it was very like, Courtney: They made it to the Dana: They did, and so proud of them. but I feel like then it’s like, okay. And there’s definitely going to be home rush things. Like just, I think that’s normal when you have kids that age, but there’s always this in the back of your mind. Like I knew I told Sam, I was like, it was 9:30. The kids finally got to bed. and I was like, I got to log in. Cause I got to, I got to work. Cause I know I’m not going to get up at 5:30 in the morning to do it like I’m way too tired for that. And like way too exhausted. And I don’t want to half ass it. I really wanted to do this design well for this client. And so I went in and I did it and it wasn’t like, I mean, I had like a glass of bourbon I’m like doing this design, and like watching Sex in the City. Like it wasn’t like this like overly stressful thing, but it wasn’t like, I could just like turn it off. You know what I mean? Courtney: Like you weren’t just there. Dana: I wasn’t just there. It wasn’t just, you know, and then apparently I fell asleep on the couch and like afterwards, but like, I don’t know. I just, I think this is a pace that we’ve never had before that I don’t know how to quit. Courtney: I totally agree. I’m I am not suggesting that it’s not a fast paced, cause I mean, obviously I feel it too. But I do think that we are making steps to make it better, right? Like even though, like we are, you know, getting job descriptions together and getting onboarding stuff together and training schedules, which feels like a lot at this particular moment, two months down the road, it will all have been worth it. Dana: Yeah. I mean, I agree. I think that there is going to be times of peace. Certainly, but I think that because of now what you’re doing is you are extending it to a point where we’re no longer managing, you know, four people we’re managing eight people, like we have eight people that we now have to manage no matter what, even if you hire a manager or whatever. And I firmly believe that at the end of the day, you’re still the boss. You still have to steer the ship. You still have to have the vision for the company. It still has to be something you think about. So like, yeah, there’s going to be times of peace. Certainly. There’s going to be times when it’s not super stressful because you have a great management team handling these things, but there are still going to be seasons of life where all that gets blown up. You know, like when your manager leaves and you have to hire a new person and then you have to peel back those really ugly layers and be like, why were they doing this? And I think that’s where, to me, it’s where I’m not, I’m not interested in that, you know? And so we had like the serious conversation about selling C&D Events, cause it was like, I’m not interested in that. I’m not interested in continually having these moments of time and it’s not like, oh, it was a busy week, this is like a busy six months. Like it’s a half a year of feeling like I had, like yesterday Sam was like, how’s your day? And I was like, I mean, it was fine, but like, I was like close to tears like half the day, like just the amount of like work and I’m, and it’s not like and I’m getting pulled in so many directions. And it’s just like this constant, like deadlines that you can’t shirk. You can’t be like, oh, I don’t want to do that today. Courtney: Yeah. Dana: I’m going to take a mental health day. Courtney: Well, it sounds like you should maybe take a mental health day. Dana: Mental health year. Courtney: Well, I mean that couldn’t be off the table. Dana: And I think what’s hard is when I like always debrief this, and this is very much when she was talking about like, go to your true self care? Like, what do you want? What are your dreams? Like what makes you feel successful? Courtney: Yeah. So I love that. Like, when she said, what do I want, what does success mean to you? Dana: And I think, and that’s the thing is I don’t know what I want. And that’s what Sam says all the time. He’s like, and he’s great, and he lets me vent and talk about everything. And he’s just question is like, what, what do you want? I’m like, I just don’t know what I want. I really don’t know. And I think that that’s what’s, I feel like that’s what’s so dangerous. Courtney: I agree. I, I’m not saying I’ve been at that exact same space, headspace, but I have been in that space and like various aspects of my life, when somebody asked me, like, I remember when Mikael and I were having a hard time, our counselor looked at me and said, what would this relationship look like when you knew you wanted to stay in it? I had no answer, like literally no answer, like I could not have, I couldn’t imagine anything beyond what I was in such that I had no thought or no way to answer what it would look like if I wanted to stay, what would a healthy relationship look like to me? Like what would that be? So, I mean, I couldn’t even give any like tangible tools to Mikael, to like, oh, I need this to be X, Y, Z, or whatever. I had no sense of self. And I feel like, this is right around like 36, 37 for me too, that I felt like I lost myself. And so I couldn’t answer these questions because I wasn’t in tune to who I was. And I know that we all remember my year of Courtney or whatnot, but it was really intentional. Like when someone asks me a question or when someone asks me what I, what if we’re going to, you know, the kids are going to sign up for this or sign up for that. What does Courtney need year, are we going to do X or Z? W what do I need? What’s going to be the easiest on me. What’s going to make the most margin in my life. And it was being very intentional with that time. I mean, still like, you know, having to do my job and be a parent, and I’m not saying those things, but when it came to a choice and there was a crossroads, I need to take what I need to take because I needed to become healthy. And that was how I was going to be the better spouse and the better business partner and the better mom and all of those things. And I think that, and I think she speaks to this too, like when she talked about that overwhelming feeling of rush. And she talked about how she get out of it. It was so much self-work, like, you know, mindset work, really diving in, looking at like, what are my beliefs? Like, what are my values? Like, what do I need? And even to the point of like, hiring like a mindset coach or a business coach, like really investing in what it is so you can answer those questions. Cause I do think that’s a scary place to be in where someone asks you these questions and you’re like, I have no idea. Dana: Yeah. And I think like too, like, I think what’s hard is I, I’m definitely living in that, that when she talked about like the both and time, because I don’t feel that in my home life. And I don’t feel like, I really relax on, the, I do get to really relax on the weekends, and Sam always says that he’s like, you’re just so happy. And I’m like, because I don’t have to, I don’t have to think about work. I probably should but I don’t. And, you know, and I like being home with the kids and I do love going to games and seeing them be successful and things like that. Like, and so I think that that’s where it’s hard because I don’t necessarily feel like I look at him like I’m going to be happy if I tell you can’t play basketball this season, like because that’s what I need. Cause I don’t have time to go, whatever. Cause I feel like if I told Sam like, hey, I don’t have time to invest in, the, in this kid sport, he would just do it. He’d be like, okay, well I can do it this season. Courtney: And that’s fine. Dana: It is fine. I don’t think that that’s not the part of my life that I struggle a lot with necessarily. I think it’s just, yeah, icing on the cake in a lot of ways, you know what I mean? I think a lot of it has to come down to like the like business and like mental toll of it all. Like I think it’s just, yeah, I think that’s just a lot, cause I don’t, I do not succeed mentally when I am constantly failing. Courtney: and you feel like a constant failure? Dana: Oh, I mean, it’s like every day, it’s every day. Like, it’s not like, oh, you’re being dramatic. Like, no, it’s, it really is. It’s like people having to email me twice, which is like, you know, and it eats away at like what we’ve built for so long. Like am I destroying this, because I can’t get to freaking email. Courtney: I would say no. Dana: I know, know but I’m saying like, that pace and that constant thing is not real, but, Courtney: I felt, I just felt like this was so timely. I’m not saying like, I don’t feel like the rush. It’s definitely a rush. I like totally lost my shit on Mikael this weekend. Like, I can’t do it all. Like, I feel like. You know, it was a really busy few weeks between NACE this, the volunteer organization that’s really killing us this month, honestly between NACE and all those things. And he was like, of course you feel that way. Like you’re not here, and so then when you’re here you’re just constantly like catching up and then going out and coming back and going out and coming back, like you’re never here. And I did feel like I wasn’t there for a few weeks and it was kind of like, like that light bulb moment. I do actually need time at home. Like there, like I need that. Dana: Yeah. But, but we’re about to walk into a pace of season of life where it’s, granted, like NACE is a volunteer organization, but we’re going to be out way more than we ever have been in our life and it’s going to be like that. Courtney: So it’s super, super important that when you have the opportunity to make those intentional spaces, like, I see that and like we had the conversation in the fall, like, this is what this is coming down the pipeline. And, you know, I recognize that or whatnot, but, I get super intentional with whatever it is that I need. And whether that be just like communicating, like, hey, this is what I need from you at home. Or this is the time that I need, or this is the space that I need. I was talking to my friend Krysta, and Sunday, I was like, look, I’ve got to get out of here. I’m going to go do a yoga class, have brunch with my bestie, do some grocery shop and get myself prepared for the week. Get my nails done because I have pictures on Friday, blah, blah, blah. And I felt so much better afterwards. And Mikael’s like, you just need to ask, not even ask, but tell me what you need and take it. He’s like, I’m not preventing you from taking what you need. You’re preventing you from taking what you need. Like get rid of the guilt, get rid of the shame. And take it. And I felt like when she said that women have taught to put themselves last, like I can’t go have brunch with my bestie. I have laundry to do, or I need to get all of my ducks in a row for next week, because I’m going to have an unsuccessful week if I don’t do this today. And whether some of that that’s true, largely that’s untrue. Like I could have bend and I can, we can flex and we can change things up a little bit, but what my family needed at that moment from me was for me to take care of me. And that’s what made a successful week. Not that we’re done with it, could all go to hell in a hand basket. I have no idea, but that’s what I think. And I think just kind of learning and shifting, like, I really related to some of her like her mindset thoughts, but what are your thoughts on that? Like when you, I love that when she said women have been taught to put yourself last or programmed that there is never enough time, there’s never going to be a time when everyone’s needs are going to be met. Dana: I mean, definitely think that’s true and I, I feel that in a lot of ways I think what’s weird is I don’t think I was taught that necessarily. I don’t, know. maybe it was, I don’t really know, but I feel like there as a teenager, I just asked for what I wanted and I was either a yes or it was a no. Courtney: I would say that is true about you. Dana: But as I got, as I’ve gotten older, it’s like, almost the opposite where I don’t feel that at all. Like, I don’t feel like I take what I need and, and then I think a lot of it comes down to like, I don’t really know what I need, but I, I feel like my biggest issue in life is that maybe it’s wrong and it’s just going to come across as being like super narcissistic, and it doesn’t mean to come across that way, is that there are so many things in my life that hinge on me. And I feel like there is this, like, and, and I don’t think it’s an expectation. Like I’m not afraid to look weak in front of people. Like, I don’t have this, like, I don’t have this feeling like I have to look like I have it all together because I, I don’t, I don’t say that I don’t preach that. I. I don’t even think I exude that. it’s And I do think there is a lot of things. It is one of the things that, like, I look at where I, I recognize that I have a lot of really great things in my life. Like, and I do have like a really supportive husband and I have great kids and we have a great financial situation. Like, I mean, I recognize all of those things and I do think there is shame that comes from that, very much what she was talking about, that shame cycle where, why can’t I be happy about it? Courtney: I think there’s some times where you get stuck in the forest and you can’t see the forest for the trees. I think there are some times where you need a hand to get pulled back out of something, for sure, just to like gain perspective, and I think there’s no shame in that. Everybody’s been there for sure. You know what I mean? Like, absolutely. Dana: Right, but it reminds me too of Like when she was talking about like, you know, when she was saying how, what she was doing, it was just survival and people found it inspirational. And I think it kind of ties back to people are tired of seeing the perfect. And I think that there there’s a lot of freedom in that, Courtney: in being perfect? Dana: In not being perfect. Like how I could say, she was surprised She’s like her most successful launches when she was wearing her six-week-old baby and, and people because people found it so relatable, and so inspirational, and my immediate thought was what people are tired of looking at the perfect thing, and that’s the whole thing like you go, social media is like, when all you’re surrounded by is these perfect, beautiful images. And these people who don’t have jobs and all they do is travel all the time, all because they went on some like TV show for six months and acted like, in there six weeks and act like a total fool, Like, and now they have their influencers and now they travel the world and they have created this, and they’ve created this. They work at it, they do whatever they have to do whatever, but it looks so perfect because they’re only showing the perfect, they’re not showing how maybe how hard it is or how much work they have to do or how, whatever the case may be. I think people are tired of it, cause it’s unrelatable. It’s just unrealistic. It’s unattainable. When you constantly are bombarded by unattainable things, why even try.? And that’s what I think when you look at like, you know, suicide rates being so high is why even try, like if you’re constantly being, comparing yourself to an unattainable perfect life that you may be wander whatever, why? You know, it’s never going to happen. Courtney: You feel like you’re comparing yourself to a perfect life? Dana: No, I mean, I think sometimes I do. I think I, I was she, when she was talking about like on the weekends, how it was all this stuff, and she never had a social life. I feel that deeply. I’m like, I want to like, do something fun on the weekends. Like, I would love to like, have friends over every week. I talk all the time about having friends over, but like, we can’t even fit it in, it can’t even fit into the schedule. And then you have like this. Okay, I haven’t cleaned the house in two weeks. like, I’m not inviting Anybody over here, it’s disgusting. Courtney: I could hardly stand being here. Dana: I know like my family room smells like dog right now, cause it’s where the dogs have been basically living. I was like, this is the first time my mom’s going to say, she’s going to walk up this room and be like, smells like dog win here. And I was like, I’m just telling you Sam, she doesn’t mean to be mean, but she’s going to like, oh, Courtney: I told my kids, I’m like, we’re cleaning for 30, and we did 30 minutes last night. We’re all going to pitch in and do something together. We’re going to do 30 minutes a night, and that’s all the cleaning that my mom was getting. I was like, I don’t have any more time. Literally. It’s 30 minutes here. 30 minutes there. We’re done. She will feel much better about your house than my house. I promise. Dana: We did not, we cleaned last weekend, but that was it. But anyways, I don’t know. but it made me think of, is there anything that you have done that was just survival that people find inspirational? Courtney: I don’t know, I should ask you, is there something that I’ve done that was survival that people found inspirational? Dana: I think your marriage is inspirational to a lot of people. Courtney: Yeah, but I’m pretty quiet about it. Dana: Yeah. But I mean, people who know you and who’ve like walked through it with you. Courtney: Yeah. I mean, that’s definitely not perfect. Like for sure. Like we still definitely have our hang hang-ups, you know, but yeah. Okay. Why do you find it inspiring Dana? Dana: I mean, I’m too close to situation to find it, and I find your loyalty inspiring. I do think that, I think that the like putting up with a lot of stuff and recognizing that this is what you wanted and you were willing to work hard for it, I think is inspiring. Courtney: Yeah. Well, thanks. I’ve always found this inspiring about you, but I also think it’s detrimental to you too, is your intentionality. Like everything is so intentional. Dana: It’s so annoying. Courtney: and there’s Been so many times I’m like, damn, if we could just be more intentional, and we just don’t really have it in us, like, we’ll try, but we aren’t, we’re a little just more like go with the flow of people, which is fine. It’s really is fine, but it took a long time to come to terms with that. I feel like it’s hard being like, so like, were business partners, obviously as sisters and raising family together, it’s hard being like so different, but so close that sometimes, it took a long time for me to not attribute the word good and bad or wrong, or right. Oh, that’s the right way. That’s the wrong way. This is a good, this is bad. You know, Dana: It’s hard not to judge. It’s hard not to sit in judgment of each other, good judgment or bad judgment just in general, because it is so close and our kids are so close in age. So we’re going, we’re walking through the same thing. It’s like you, Courtney: But you approach it differently, you know, for sure. So like, it is like, there’s that I think, but so I think definitely our intentionality, I mean, I think your kids probably eat a lot better than my kids. They definitely read a lot more than my kids. Dana: Well, I mean, that’s, some of that’s personality. I mean, I, and I, and I’ve always, I mean, intentionality is a really big, a really big component of how we parent, but it is also, you create high expectations, like you said, Ada’s on Saturday and, we’re still keeping it small. And she’s having like two friends over and because she wanted to do sushi and we’re having like a makeup artist come in and show how to do their makeup. It’s going to be fun. But I was like told Sam. I was like, I got to get her banner out and I got to make the patch, and like I got to like actually make the things and she loves it. Like We were going over the menu. We were talking, I was showing her what I was going to make for her party. And She’s like, mom, I just, I just like a really appreciate you a lot. Like, I really love how you do all this. And I’m like, so now I can’t like half ass, I mean, it probably is going to be half-assed because I don’t have the time to do it, but it’s, and to her it’s getting perfect. And I do know that like, I can release that expectation of it being perfect, but they, they love it so much. Courtney: I know. And my kids they’ve just stopped asking for parties like that. They’re like, we know it’s not going to happen. It’s not ever going to look like that. Cause it’s not, it literally is not. And it doesn’t mean I have any like less love or anything like that for them, or I care about their birthday any less, but it’s just what it is. And I had to give that up, right. Like I had to give up like, oh, I’m not going to be that. And to strive to be that it’s just going to be very frustrating, but I recuse myself from keeping up with the Joneses. And I had a really hard time with that. Like a really, really hard time for a good portion of my life. And once I let that go, it’s just freedom. Like it literally just is, and it creeps back in like it’s a constant process. Like I’m like, oh, like, especially when like the parents come around, I’m like, oh, they’re going to judge me for it. But you know what? That’s just how we are. Dana: Right. I think, I think for me, and I think like truly, and I’ve gotten, and I’ve gotten better, like with Sam about it, like it’s saying like what my expectations are and what I want. And I, and I think that for anyone who knows me like, to know what my expectations are just to watch what I do. Like I just expect to be treated in a similar way that I treat other people and I expect like the same effort to be put to a relationship that I put into a relationship granted all the time. Like I know, like there are times like when my best friend lost her dad, like I did not expect a thing from her in that relationship because I knew it was my turn to, just to just give, you know, and I, I not saying that all the time, but I think that’s where like, sometimes it gets where it gets hard because you feel like you’re showing, like, this is how I want to be treated. This is how I expect this relationship to go, because I’m showing you what I find to be valuable. I’m showing you what I find, you know, to be helpful or whatever. And it doesn’t, and I think it’s just, and you don’t want to, you don’t want to ask for it. I don’t want to ask for it, you know, like And I’ve, and there are things I’ve just let go. Like I, you know, Sam, I remember we were dating and got married he, and I love cars and he would never get me a card for anything for Valentine’s Day for a birthday. It just pissed me off to like no end. And so I was like, you know what, we’re going to have these notebooks and you’re going to write in this notebook. Does he write in it every time? He hits it, like 90% of the time, but 10% of the time I’m like, really buddy I’ve like made it foolproof. Like It’s just a pen and a book. And like you take five minutes and just Courtney: See, there’s the intentionality, like every human and their family has a notebook where you write love notes and thoughts to each other on every holiday. Dana: Well, yeah, it really stemmed from the fact that I’m really nostalgic and I’m like, what do you do with all these dang cards? Courtney: I have them in a box. Dana: Yeah. Well, so do I, but I was like, let’s just not, you know, and the cards are expensive, we were really poor back then. Like, so as much as I have told him, this is what I need or what I want, my expectations are tempered for what it should be. You know, and that’s just the case and it like bothers Ada so much, you know, cause she’s like, my birthday’s coming up. and she’s like, what do you want for your birthday. I was like, I don’t really, cause I don’t like my birthday. I don’t really love it very much, like at all, cause it’s always like disappointing. And I tell her that and she’s like, that’s the saddest thing I’ve ever heard. And I was like, but it’s the truth. Courtney: Not while she’s living under your roof, but one day she’ll have a disappointing birthday and she’ll understand. Dana: But still have all the 18 other ones. Courtney: That’s right. With the banner, with the, with the felt depiction of what happened that day on the back of it to commemorate it. Oh, Dana. Dana: It’s true, this is like a Dana therapy. Courtney: This is like a Dana therapy session. I love it, okay, ending Dana’s therapy session and we’re going to move on to fuck up of the week. Dana, what was your fuck up of the week this week? Dana: Well I guess my real one truly, actually is I had this client that I booked back in, like, fall. This is, this is actually, this is a good one. So it was like 2018. They booked and they’re just getting married May, 2020. And they rescheduled a couple of times and they’re getting married on Monday and somewhere in the process, we have all these lanterns. Courtney: Because we cleaned out the flower cottage cause we stopped doing flowers, Dana: Well no, but prior to cleaning out the flower cottage, we had all these lanterns. And she is like can I use these lanterns? It’s like, sure, like I don’t care, Like no problem, whatever. And then last year we were cleaning out the flower cottage, cleaning up all this other stuff, and we had all these lanterns and we’re like, sell them or give them away or whatever. And we gave away over half the lanterns this person was supposed to use. I just did not realize it till today, which is Thursday and the wedding is on Monday. And I was like, well, shit, I don’t have these lanterns, one thank God she texted me about it. So now, well, I knew I had known, she wanted, I know she had one of the wooden lanterns and I had kept those, but I just did not realize that it was all these other ones. Cause I wasn’t there when she came to the office to pick them out, like somebody else was there and like they were organized and like there’s pictures of them that she had sent me. And So I was like, oh no, I got to go find some lanterns. Courtney: Yeah. Yeah. That was a big, a big fuck up of the week. I feel like today I could speak to how we take the dog out to the bus stop every morning and they play around with the kids and I let him play around, like on his leash or whatnot. And I did not notice that he was rolling, he does like kind of roll in the grass, like, like he just loves the dry grass and like itching us back on it. And he went to the pine straw. Normally he doesn’t roll around the pine straw, that’s not a normal thing, but he was doing that at this point. And when I got over there, he was rolling around with some other dogs’ diarrhea. I’m like, do you have parvo now? Like what, like what did you get any of this in your mouth? Like, what’s the deal? Do I need to take you to the vet? Like, I don’t know, but what the world, I don’t get it Dana: I love how half of your fuck up of the weeks have been about that dog. Courtney: I really, I mean, I love the dog. Dana: You do love the dog. Courtney: Yeah. I care. I cared deeply about his wellbeing and like how mentally stable he is and how happy he is. But he is so much work, which I knew like before getting a dog, like I knew that the dog was going to fall on me, which is why I pushed off getting a dog for so long. And it’s just like, happened exactly how I thought that it would happen. Because regardless of how I feel about dogs, every dog loves me and I like can give or take most dogs. Like I’ll pet you, like I don’t want you to feel bad about yourself, but like, I’m not the one to like, I don’t know, like get down and play with them, all those things until this dog. Now I have this dog that like requires this of me. Dana: He’s very cute. I will say. Courtney: He’s a very pleasant dog. Dana: He is very sweet. Except for when he barks at you. He scared the shit out of me this morning Courtney: You’re ignoring him. He does not appreciate your aloofness. Dana: but I wasn’t, I didn’t even, you don’t hear him. He is such a, like he doesn’t have nails. Courtney: He does have nails, but he has like such furry paws. Dana: Yeah. So it’s like the silent thing, comes up and barks at you. Courtney: That’s how, that’s how Liam feels about it. Thanks everyone for gathering with us today to talk about the hustle. For our episode with Ryann, we are drinking an old fashioned and we hope you get a chance to make it this week and cheers to the both and. To learn more and connect with Ryann, you can visit her business on Instagram at socialsellersacademy, and by visiting her account at ryanndowdyofficial, you can also learn more by visiting socialsellersacademy.com and make sure you check out her podcast, be in the room with Ryann. Dana: To learn more about our hustles, you can check us out on the gram at canddevents at thebradfordnc and at hustleandgather. If you’re interested in our speaking training or consulting, please look us up at hustleandgather.com. Courtney: And if you love this show, we would be more than honored if you left us a rating and review, Dana: This podcast is a production of Earfluence. I’m Dana Courtney: and I’m Courtney, Dana: and we’ll talk to you next time on Hustle and Gather.
Hustle and Gather is hosted by Courtney Hopper and Dana Kadwell, and is produced by Earfluence. Courtney and Dana’s hustles include C&D Events, Hustle and Gather, and The Bradford Wedding Venue.