On last week’s episode (Apple Podcasts | Spotify), Dr. Endya Perry talked about proving the doubters wrong and giving it your best. But what happens when your best just isn’t good enough? And as you’re hustling to try to get to the good enough place, what happens when your work function becomes your sole identity?
Dana Kadwell: I can’t do this. Like, I need you to be my sister right now. Like, I need you to not be my business owner and need, just see my sister. I need you to see the pain that I’m in. I understand that this is what happened. I understand my culpability in it. But I need you, I need you to see me as your sister.
Courtney Hopper: Welcome to Hustle and Gather, a podcast about inspiring the everyday entrepreneur to take the leap. I’m Courtney,
Dana: and I’m Dana,
Courtney: and we’re two sisters who have started multiple businesses together, and yes, it’s as messy as you think. We know that starting a business, isn’t easy.
Dana: We’ve done it four times. And on this show, we talk about the ups and downs, the hustle and the reward at the end of the journey.
Courtney: And we love helping small businesses succeed, whether that is through our venue consulting, speaking, team training, we love to motivate others to take that big leap.
Dana: Or you could just use our misadventures to normalize the crazy that is being an entrepreneur, because every entrepreneur makes mistakes.
Courtney: And we like to call those unsuccessful attempts around here.
Dana: And we know it’s just part of the process. And today we’re talking just the two of us about last week’s episode with Dr. Endya Perry.
Courtney: Yeah, let’s get started.
Dana: There’s so many, so many things that unpack.
Courtney: Just use the word nuggets, Dana and get it out now. So many nuggets.
Dana: But I wanted to start out with one of my favorite things she said is If you haven’t worked through your mess, you project that basically on to others. So what are you projecting on others because you haven’t worked through your mess?
Courtney: I don’t know. I think whether it seems like it or not in our business relationship, I’m really actually pretty hard on myself as to like what I accomplish, what I do, what I can do, et cetera. And I fight myself often on procrastination. And so I feel like I’m constantly trying to like, overcome that just personally, you know?
And I feel like even when I’m like trying my hardest and I know that I’m giving it my all, I feel like someone’s calling me out on, like, you’re not giving it your all you’re procrastinating, you’re not doing this in a timely manner, even though I’m doing the best that I can do. I think sometimes I take that personally, but it’s just kind of me working through my internal dialogue, if that makes sense. Does that make sense?
Dana: It does. It kind of ties in, you probably feel that way because of me projecting myself onto you, but for me, I always struggle with not being good enough and not being productive enough or not fulfilling what I expect of myself. And so a lot of times I protect on to others is me telling them that they’re, that they’re not good enough. Like what they’re doing is not good enough. And whether that’s right or wrong, and I feel that deeply, and we actually just had this conversation yesterday and you said, I’m doing the best that I can do. I was like, well, that’s just not good enough.
Courtney: And I was like, but I literally am doing the best that I can do.
Dana: And I feel like, and that in the circumstances we’ve had like one of, one of our busier weeks just the amount of deliverables and products we had to get out was more than we, more time than what we had. Like literally more out, we didn’t have enough hours in the day, in the day, like we didn’t have enough hours from nine to four, right.
And so for me, my point in saying that wasn’t like, I think I get, where we’re trying the best that we can and we’re doing the best we can within the confines of nine to four, but that’s not good enough. It’s like, because we have all these deadlines because we have to get this out, it means we’re going to have to pull a couple late nights, work till 10, till midnight, till one, till two, whatever to get it out. and so I feel like, like, and I, and I do struggle with that because to me, like, we probably could have finished everything that we needed to finish yesterday, halfassed and then had been okay.
Yeah, but I just that’s, you know, I just say I’m full assed all the time, all the time, but I do think that, but I think a lot of it for me is like, there is some truth in what I said, but maybe not there wasn’t truth in how I said it, right. So to me, it’s working through and me understanding that I am good enough.
Yeah, I am good at what I do and I am good enough, but doesn’t mean everyone else is failing around me.
Courtney: Right. You know, or that it has to look exactly the same, cause I feel like too, like concerning that particular conversation, just like keeping it real. Like I haven’t been working nine to four, like I have been, I’d have been taking stuff home.
We worked most of Monday, right, I worked most of the weekend, so it’s not like, oh, I’m just trying to do all this work in the confines of these hours. I am giving all the hours and I really don’t subscribe, like philosophically to like a hustle mentality, cause I know my limit. For me, like when I’m like really super tired and exhausted, it’s like diminishing returns, right?
Like my time could best be served like pausing, reenergizing, whether that’s like taking a nap or taking a break or whatever, and then getting back to it later or early the next day or whatever. Like, for example, this morning, I’ve been very committed to yoga every morning because I’ve just had to keep my mind right and focused and all those things I gave up my yoga. I made sure I was at the office before eight o’clock, which I know is not amazing to you, but it’s amazing for me, and dressed with makeup on, so there’s that.
Dana: So I, and I think this is, this is where a lot of tension in our relationship comes in. Truly, if you want to be real about it, this is where the tension comes into it. And, I work from probably like 8 to 4:30, most days for the most of the time. And I work a lot of Mondays. I don’t, I don’t know my take Mondays off and a lot of that’s because we don’t work weekends anymore. So there’s no reason why we shouldn’t be working Mondays. Like we have our weekends, we just, because we’re the bosses may not want to work on a Monday, even though I have all the work that it needs, like.
Courtney: We have to do it, sometimes you got to get stuff out.
Dana: But I mean, it’s not to me how I feel that it’s not sometimes, it’s an every Monday thing at this point in our, in our, where we are in our business and the amount of work that we have to do. Like every single Monday, I do not open my computer, I do not clean out my inbox, I do not work, I fail that entire week. That entire week I do, because you basically are, we’re basically saying that we need to do a full-time job within 30 hours.
Courtney: Right, and I would hazard to say, it’s like a full-time plus job.
Dana: Right. So it’s, doesn’t make sense to it. But like, for me, it’s like, I, I can push through my exhaustion and I can get it done because I, I will not sleep like it. I cannot sleep, when I have all these things, like even, you know, like last night worked till like, oh, after midnight is when I finally left the office and I got home and I didn’t go to bed til after one, because I could not shut it off because I knew I only got to a point, like I knew we still had these four things I had to get done in the morning, and you call me the morning. I was like, I’m not going there until nine blah, blah. And I got there, like at eight, 8:15, like I couldn’t not, not be there.
Right. But I think that’s, to me, it’s, it is about expectations and about each other, certainly. And like, and I think that just the way I work doesn’t necessarily mean it’s the way that you have to work. And it doesn’t mean because I can work until midnight that you have to work until midnight.
Yeah. It’s, to me, it’s having that really uncomfortable conversation and hard conversations. Like, these are the deadlines and however you want to get it done. Like you need to get done, but there’s no excuses if it’s not done, and I think that’s where we haven’t had that, that conversation where it’s just been like, oh, I understand. You had a kid’s basketball game or, oh, I understand your kid was up all night or whatever.
And like I can give grace in that sense, but like when it affects how I, I like, if I feel like I’ve been busting my ass about things and I don’t feel like I have don’t get me wrong, I feel like I’ve jumped into like a shit show because I like, because I haven’t done anything for the editor with him for three weeks over the break. So like, I felt like my own, my own mess was overcome by our communal mess.
Courtney: Right. No, I, I, my 100% know that about you now, the listeners do too. Like, I totally know that about you. I would like to say that I, I like the, okay, here’s the things that I need for you to, and I will say like kudos to Dana, and this special appreciation, I appreciate you setting me up for success this morning, because when I came in to fulfill my part of this document that we had to get out, like by the end of today, like, it was like, I was set up for success, like I could input my data, I could figure out how to like, get the PDF and, you know, into a JPEG, which was, you know, magical for me, and poured and poured into the document, but it was set up, my spot was set up.
So I totally appreciate that, but I definitely work well with like, hey, here’s a deadline and I don’t miss a lot of deadlines. Like I’m not one to like shirk off a duty or anything like that, but there definitely is a point like, I’m just one of those people that hey, like I’ve hit a wall, I’ve hit a wall.
Like I cannot get around the wall. Like literally there’s just nothing that I can do. And when I feel super overwhelmed my first inclination in my body is just to go to sleep. Like, it just wants to literally like shut down. Like I’m shutting it down because I feel my stress in my body and not in my head.
Dana: That’s why our partnership works because if I, if I was at exact same way.
Courtney: We would just sleep all the time.
Dana: Well, we, no. And I, and I respect that and I get it, but at some point it’s one of those things. I get that this is a preference. Yeah, I get that it is, it is a, that there is a desire to, for whatever, but at the end of the day, you have to do what you say you’re going to do. And you have to, either you’re going to say, you know what, I’ve hit a wall and now I’m going to beg for this deadline to get pushed.
And, and that could have happened. I mean, like it’s, it’s a possibility, right? Like it’s not our style. I would have, I would have a very hard time doing that, but, or you’re just going to have to suck it up and push through what you know about yourself and say like, I understand that I’m, that this is hard for me. And I’m exhausted and I’m in the middle of hitting a wall right now. But like there’s only so much time in a day.
Courtney: All that to say is we have our own things that we’re working through that obviously even come up in relationships were close with. And like, I understand where Dana’s coming from and she understands where I’m coming from.
Dana: Right. And I think the point is, is that I project that onto my employees. Like, there’s been many a times my, our place have come to me and I said, that’s just not good enough. Like I get, you said you’ve tried, but it’s not good enough. You know?
Like recognizing that, okay, maybe I need to take a step back and one probably not use those words, but understanding, is it really not good enough or is it. Of how I feel about myself and what I put out there.
Courtney: I feel like this is a great segue in this area of self-reflection when Dr. Endya said that she attached her identity. to her function, and then once you attach your identity to your function, people identify you that way. And this is like something I’ve seen play out. I mean, I could, I I’m sure it’s played out in my life, but I have more of a, you know, a clear view of your life.
Cause I see it every day where you have identified yourself this certain way, but then when people identify you that way or rely on you in the way that you’re like, this is my function, this is me, you resent it. Oh yeah. You know what I mean? It’s like this big circle. It made me think about that when she was talking about it.
How, like, I identify with me as a, as a, just as a function or how I am useful to other people, you know, but not actually like who I am.
Dana: Because your function is not who you are. The function is just like a very small part of who you are. And when you, when it becomes such a huge part of your identity, it’s hard to escape that. And there is a lot of resentment with it.
Courtney: Yeah. I know. I love that. I like resonated with them.
Dana: I felt very like, oh my God, like, you’re just speaking to me right now. And what it did is it made me realize, am I pushing that same belief onto my children? Right. Like I look at Ada, am I identifying her by her function by the fact that she, Ada is great at whatever she does. And well, she tries hard at whatever she does. And a lot of times
Courtney: she gives like 110% every single time.
Dana: Right. And so then when she doesn’t, you’re like, who is this kid? Like, what, what is it? And I’m like, well, she’s a normal 11-year-old child, like, you know? Yeah. So maybe take a step back and think like, oh, am I like giving them that same like handicap?
Courtney: Cause I was thinking about that. Like how crazy have a story to be a nationally ranked gymnast to find yourself pregnant. I mean, obviously there was actions taken for that, but it wasn’t a planned thing, you know, and then to completely upend what you’ve worked your whole life for. Cause these gymnasts started gymnastics when they were like in utero.
You know what I mean? And I just can’t even imagine like what a 180 that would be and how, how that would really mess with your self-identity, you know?
Dana: Yeah. I mean, I, I didn’t, I was not pregnant when I was 18, but when I was 18, there was a time I thought I was pregnant. And I remember thinking like what do I do?
Like, how do I like all the decisions you have to make for that moment. And like for me, it was it was, I willing to sacrifice my childhood because I had so. I just wanted freedom and like, I wanted to go to college to be free. Not that I wanted to go to college to learn anything. I wanted to be a teacher, but like really just wanted to be free.
And I remember thinking like, oh my God, like I’ve made this terrible decision in my life. Like how stupid, where we, like, you know what I mean? All these things. And, I could totally visually see when she was saying she had like these scholarship letters, these adoring fans, and a positive pregnancy test, and she had to pick between the two. And that decision and, and owning that decision. But like, I don’t know. That’s intense. That’s intense.
Courtney: So has there ever been like a moment like that, where it was just kind of like a 180 for you?
For me, it was definitely, I saw myself worth as it related or benefited other people like, oh, I’m a good sister or I’m a good business owner, or I’m a good wife or I’m a good mother. And I never really gave any thought to like, oh, I’m a good person, but because I’m all of these things and I’m like giving 110%, then by default, I must be a good person. And there is definitely, you know, a time in my relationship with you and Mikael what, not that it was very apparent that, that wasn’t going to fill me like that wasn’t going to fulfill me. Like I had no idea of who I was or how I define myself and that needed to be the most important thing and not how other people saw me and define me.
And I feel like that’s how I could mostly relate. Cause I felt like growing up, like in the family that we grew up in, like being the only child. Like with how our family was structured with our mother being sick. I was my function. Like I was how I could be helpful to somebody else. How could I better this?
Cause how could I make things easier? What could I take off of somebody’s plate? And that was my only usefulness, right? It was never, who are you? What are you? You know what I’m saying? For me as a form of self-reflection. So I feel like there was definitely a moment for me like that, where I was like, all right, I am not who I am to other people.
I am me, regardless of how other people see me and that doesn’t change. And there was a time where that did change. Like how I felt about myself changed because how somebody else viewed me or viewed my productivity or viewed my usefulness to them. That was definitely one of those moments for me.
Dana: For me, it was completely like, the complete opposite of I have no worth. Like, I am literally not worth, like I have no function. I have no value, you know? So like sometimes when I think back and I, and I understand like decisions our parents made and, and I feel like we say this all the time, we had great parents, great parents, and they loved us. And I knew I was loved by them.
Courtney: They made us; they must be great.
Dana: I know, but you know, when I think back to decisions that they made, then the last few years of my, of my teenage life and the decision, you know, dad’s going to take Jeremy to Florida, mom was in the hospital the entire time. Like you had moved out. Like I, it was not a thought because it did not matter, like, like about me, like, because there was no, I wasn’t, there was no function to our family.
Like I was just there. My, my job was to finish high school. It just didn’t matter, you know? And so I’ve, I struggled a lot with that. And I mean, even when I was younger being, and I know this is such a like cliche middle child thing to do, but like the fear of never being loved. And I was just terrified that I would never get married.
I was terrified. Like no one would ever love me. Like, I was just terrified of it because I just never felt worthy of it. And it wasn’t, and even, I, I didn’t have a lot of boyfriends before Sam. I had a couple, but even then, like, I’d never felt like it, like Sam was the only person that was like just thought, like the sun, like rose and fell with me. And I was like, oh, this is what it feels like to be adored. And it’s wonderful.
And, you know, but I think for me, like that really segues into, to me like when she talked about. Like how that was her catalyst for her motivation was really trying to prove every single person wrong. And kind of prove that she wasn’t just her function, that she was something outside of being a gymnast and this nationally ranked, you know, person.
And for me, it was like, I made me think about, is there someone that I wanted to prove wrong? Like, is there a chip on my shoulders or is there a person or a group of people or whatever that I tried so hard to prove myself to, and I don’t want to say it’s a motivation to why I do what I do, but it is definitely a strong factor of me being successful is probably my, like in law family, like trying to prove to them that the investment that they make is they invested in it.
Like, not like not financially, but they co-sign the original loan and the land, huge deal. I’m Just saying, like, I think, I think there’s part of that, you know? That’s probably my chip, I would say,
Courtney: yeah, I could see that.
Dana: Yeah. What about you?
Courtney: fortunately, or unfortunately, I actually use my own barometer as most of my success and unsuccess like, what I’m trying to prove is most normally to myself, but in my formative years, like, like late teens and early marriage, I was a nanny for somebody that was very judgy. This person was like super judgy, always made me feel terrible about myself. Like I was too fat. my marriage was never going to work. I didn’t wear enough makeup. Like my hair never looked good. Like I felt like every time I saw this person, she was like measuring me up. And it made for a long time. It really made me feel super insecure about like my appearance and who I was and what I was doing.
Sometimes I think back on like with the Bradford. I remember when she walked around the Bradford the first time, cause she would pop in and out of our life. Like occasionally I haven’t seen her since this moment, I don’t believe. She was unimpressed like nonplussed, like not complimentary, none of those things like, oh, oh, you know, whatever. And I sometimes I think back, like if she could walk around this now, right. If she could see the Bradford, now, if she could see what I am now, despite your best efforts, is what I feel like.
And I look back and I know now, like as an adult, like all of those things had nothing to do with me, my 19-year-old or 18-year-old self, I was perfectly fine and it had everything to do with herself. You know? And when other people are insecure about themselves, they don’t like seeing other people successful.
Like whether that’s in a marriage or whether that’s in a career or whether that’s the way they look or whatever. So I was probably gorgeous and I just didn’t even. And so I think about back, I think back about that though, you know, but even today, those things like wreak havoc in my, in my mind, you know, like, so I think deep down some like my physical insecurity that everybody has, or it goes back to things that she said to me, you know? But it’s probably that.
Dana: Yeah. And I think I had mentioned in the podcast, I think that would ever motivates you and drives you and pushes you there. I think there’s a, there’s a fine line where that’s healthy. Because I think if you’re never trying to improve or grow, then like, what are like, what are you doing?
But there comes a point where you have to let it go, you know? And I think, and I think for me, when I, when she said that and she said it was such a healing moment and she said, thank you. I’m like, am I going to get to that point?
Courtney: Well, I think you’re going to have to initiate it. Like it really hurt me when
Dana: oh yeah, I know. But I, but at the same time I can look at it and say like, I appreciate the push. I appreciate like the drive, because you know, when I think back to like who I was in college and in high school, like, yeah, I was driven, but I nowhere near what I am now. Like the, the, the intensity that I, that I am now and like, what I pursue is so different than who I was then, like, I was definitely more carefree and I’m not saying the way I am now is better than what I was.
I’m just saying, but I also can recognize that that intensity and that like sheer will to like, get things done is a part of our success story. Yeah, sure. so I don’t know. I hope I get to that point where I had that kind of 360 moment and be like, you know what, thank you for that. And it’s not about me.
Courtney: Maybe they’ll listen to the podcast.
Dana: I hope they don’t.
Courtney: And that would be a segue into other conversations. Holy shit. Or holiday cancellations, either one, that’ll be fine.
Dana: It’ll be fine. Yeah. Well, one thing I really liked too, that she said, and it really got me thinking and it, its kind of, it’s kind of in line with our 2022 goals are as a business as well.
When she talks about, when she said this, she said organized, organizations and businesses are there to solve problems. And so it made me think of what is the problem that we are solving. And in that same breath, she was talking about how her business, like she finds pockets of needs that she wants to fill. And to me, it’s like, what problem are we solving? And are we finding those pockets of need? Yeah, and are we filling them?
Courtney: All right. I mean, that is I feel like solving the, filling the gap between what people think they can do and what we believe that they can do kind of like helping inspire people to get over themselves and over things that they believe in correctly about themselves to get to that next step in business. Like with venue consulting, obviously specifically like helping venues, like achieve those goals and milestones.
Dana: I agree. And I think that like the, are we finding a pocket of need in that, and I think for us, like, we’ve always been, it’s not about how much money you have. Like, it doesn’t matter where you, where you are in your journey, that there is something that we can do to help you at any level. And I think, I think that’s important because business consulting is really expensive and hire a coach is really expensive.
And sometimes, you know, like someone will reach out to us and we’ll say, and their budget is very small. And what we’ll say, you know what, we see this, but like, this is, I think this will be the most helpful thing for you and this will get you on the right path to get started and, you know, and then you have, you know, access to us or whatever, and it’s something that’s just a little more manageable and they don’t feel so stuck because I think, I think back to when we opened up the Bradford and we were in those really hard years, I don’t think I realized how much a coach or consultant would have gotten us so much faster, but at the same time, like, would we have been able to afford it?
Courtney: No, we could barely afford anything.
Dana: We weren’t even getting paid. So like, how?
Courtney: We couldn’t even afford to feed ourselves.
Courtney: I mean, so low on Pavlov’s hierarchy of need.
Dana: Right? So to me, it’s like, are we, are we, are we finding that balance where we’re, where it’s a business, obviously we’re going to give everything away for free, but then we we’re also like helping out those genuinely.
Courtney: And I feel that way, like with conferences and things like that, I mean, you’re doing a lot information out of there. We have a lot of free things that are lined up. Yeah, I definitely think that. What about the Bradford?
Dana: So I thought about this and I honestly think that, for me, the Bradford, what we’re trying to solve in the venue industry is, is hospitality, right? It’s looking at our clients, not as a number, not as a dollar. And no matter who you are, no matter what you identify with, no matter what you look like, no matter who you love, no matter about anything about you, that you always have a home at the Bradford.
And to me, like, I just don’t feel like that is the truth at every venue. And even, even to like Oregon, you, that they could say that, but you can feel that tension when you walk in the door. Right? Right. Like there’s, there’s been venues that I worked at and there’s venues that are very, very, very expensive.
And I have a client who’s, who is spending a lot of their money on this wedding, but it’s not the $150,000 wedding and you can feel that when you walk in the door, right, because they don’t value that person enough. And to me, like, I don’t ever want someone to walk on the Bradford and feel like that.
And I hope that we are achieving that, but that is, that is our vision. That is our goal. And it is our, it’s a safe place for no matter where you are in, in any way, know how much money you’re spending or who you are that you have a safe warm spot to celebrate an amazing thing, which is committing your life to somebody else.
Courtney: That is an amazing and a scary thing.
Dana: And so I hope that, and I think that from there, because the Bradford is our biggest earner.
Courtney: Should we have an anniversary, you and I?
Dana: What would it be? My birthday?
Courtney: No for our business. I was thinking about that, like our commitment ceremony.
Dana: Oh, are we going to exchange vows.
Right. We’re going to exchange our own and we should
Courtney: a partnership ceremony that needs to be celebrated annually maybe.
Dana: but yeah, but no, because the Bradford is our biggest earner, I think too, it’ll allow it to overflow into other things that we can actually like financially help fill the need of places.
Courtney: Sure. I mean, I have big plans for that.
Dana: Yeah. I mean, I feel like that’s, that’s, again, that’s kind of like a, it’s kind of similar to the Bradford, but at the same time, I feel like there’s a need for authenticity and realness and, and connection and helping people. I think, I think more than ever from 2019 on, I have felt that wedding being a wedding coordinator or event management or planner, whatever. It’s not just about the pretty things it’s, it’s, you’re really serving that family very humbly. Like, because you are doing all the things, all the dirty work and you’re doing it happily and you’re giving this family the ability to relax and enjoy yeah. Something. And I think that, I think that’s what.
Courtney: Yeah, I, I see C&D a little more intrinsically, and I think it’ll, you know, kind of be birthed from there is there’s a lot of really great leaders in C&D. There, like we had a meeting with the girls last night and I’m always like in awe of their innovation and their commitment, even though some of them it’s like a side thing, probably half and half a side, half it’s, they’re just what they do.
But they’re all so committed. Like they have so much care about our company that, I don’t know. It’s always, to me very humbling, you know? So I think just kind of raising those leaders and business women to, you know, be able to give out from that point, so, right. That’s what I think of C&D. Good question. Good question.
Speaking about great business women. I loved when she mentioned that she working with her sister, it makes her work harder because she is your sister and you don’t want to let that person down. And I think that this is very much like your Zodiac sign actually. But, I feel the same way.
Like there is definitely times, not every time. I mean, cause I mean, I’m fine letting Dana down sometimes. You just got to do that, ask anyone that knows her. It’s inevitable. It is inevitable. So you just do it, you can’t control the whole environment, but there’s definitely times where I’m like, all right, I’m going to go that extra step or I’m going to do that extra fast or I’m going to whatever, because I don’t want to disappoint that person right, specifically Dana, because I know that she’s going to do that too. Do you know what I mean?
Dana: No, I feel that.
Courtney: So I definitely, I loved that though. when she said that out loud.
Dana: Yeah. It really reminded me too. So like, you know, we’ve had, we’ve had some pretty doozies of like issues and whatnot. And I remember when we were working through recently and, and it was, it was really hard.
And I remember your we were talking about it and at one point, you just said like, like I can’t do this. Like, I need you to be my sister right now. Like, I need you to not be my business owner and need, just see my sister. I need you to see the pain that I’m in. I understand that this is what happened.
I understand my culpability in it. But I need you, I need you to see me as your sister. And I remember like, and it was hard. It was a hard conversation when everyone’s crying, obviously, whatever. And I go home and I’m telling my husband and I was like; I’ve got to get to an end to this. Like, we have got to find a resolution, and it’s not because of me, it’s not because it’s like, well, I mean, I do, I did need it, but I knew in that moment that it was something that you needed, because I knew that the path you were trying to avoid to go back down was so dark that I was like, I don’t, I don’t think I could walk her through that again.
I don’t want her to have to go through that again. Like, there is a lot of that too, like where, I don’t know, like you, you really become like a protector of, because there’s so much history and there’s so much, there’s so many nuances to owning a business with your sister and like so much that you’ve like experienced together. And I don’t know. It just made me think of that moment actually, when she said that.
Courtney: Yeah. I feel the same way. I mean, cause like, what story led to that thought that made her say that thing, you know, like why they are, where they’re at right now. And like a lot of pride for that, you know, too, because I mean, I do think, I mean, one thing I think about often is we started this business when I was like 23 or 24.
Dana: I was 22.
Courtney: Like what babies we were. What do, what are my expectations of 22-year-olds and 24-year-olds? Like it’s pretty low. Do you know what I mean? But like how much grace we didn’t give each other and what we did expect out of each other and like all of those things.
And we were really just still trying to figure it out. And I’m not saying we have it all figured out, but you certainly have a lot more that you can look back on and experience. I realize that it’s bumpy and windy and all that, but so you have all that together. Like you’ve done all of those things together, so you’ve seen this person grow and change and do and be, but I really love that she mentioned that.
Dana: I thought, I thought she was great. I think we’re, we’re going to end up with our fuck up of the week, and I think this, like right off the bat, she just, she was a change agent and she looked at her roles and she said you realize it was all aligning with who she knew she was.
And I feel like maybe when we talk about these fuck-up of the weeks, is it because our roles in our lives who we are and like, can we be change agents to make it better?
Courtney: Like change agents to yourself?
Dana: To each other.
Courtney: To each other? Maybe.
Dana: Yeah. Okay. Have you, have you thought of yours?
Courtney: Well, I feel like I was like traumatized by the week in general. So I’m having a hard time working through the trauma to get to like any like particular like fuck-up of the week. And I felt like, I think maybe it’s like possibly just expectation. I think it was a general fuck-up of the week.
Like, cause I felt like I was doing the most, like I was doing a lot and then the effort, the amount of effort didn’t equal, I don’t know, proportionally to my to-do list getting any smaller.
Dana: Well, I feel like, well, yeah, but I think what was really hard about the week is we had some really hard conversations that we had to have with people that we didn’t have firm answers on.
Courtney: That was like fuck-up of the year.
Dana: I know, but that’s like, that always creates such so much strife. And so I feel like to me, like, so you don’t get traumatized next week, if I was to be your change agent here. I think it’s to look at not just what your to-do list is to look at like, what are the meetings that we have on that are we have on the books now? And what is it that I have to know and be prepared for specifically for that. And I think that is where the trauma came in. Is it, oh crap, we had this team meeting and they’re going to ask us all these things? We don’t know all the answers to it. So how are we going to do it? And you, we, we talked through it.
We’ve, we’ve really processed it. And you had a great idea to get us through the team meeting that didn’t feel like we weren’t doing anything. And you know, now you girls know that we did not have anything planned. And we like figured this out on the fly or whatever. And I think understanding, like, I think going back to, we said like the expectation of like what is expected of me at this thing? Cause it wasn’t that we had all these things due, yeah, it was. So we had all these things due very similarly, but then we also really underestimated like
Courtney: the effort that It was going to take to do those things. And we’ve got a lot of them accomplished. I mean, I feel good right now. I mean, there’s definitely a small list of things to do, but it seems like manageable in the amount of time that we have at the moment, but definitely felt unmanageable at some point like Wednesday morning, or it was like, how are we going to get through this?
Dana: Yeah, no, I think that’s very similar to mine. I think it was just like, I did not properly prepare myself nor did I prepare my husband for the week that was coming, because normally when I have a crazy week, I can like, I’ll start planting it the week before. I’m like, Hey, so this week, blah, blah, blah. And I’ll say it four or five times. And then like on that Sunday, we have like our family meeting.
I’ll be like, hey, remember, like I have all these things. And like, when I make our menu, I like start, I started the one that he’s in charge of making and I always make it one that’s so easy, it doesn’t require recipe because recipes frustrate him. So it’s always something super easy that I know that he can do successfully.
And he’s coming to dinner like every night, this week, and all of them have been recipes, bless his soul, because I just didn’t, I just didn’t like realize or like put together that I wasn’t going to be home for dinner, like, or to get out. I would only be home for dinner.
Courtney: I know, I feel the exact same way, like we’ve had a kid with like explosive diarrhea for a couple of days now. And Mikhail had had plans to go into the office the last two days. And he’s like, I know you can’t, he’s like, I’m going to be here. It’s flexible. And I was like, okay. But like, I feel bad about it, you know, on some level. Sorry, but deal with this child. I can’t, I don’t have time. I don’t have the bandwidth for it.
Thanks everyone for gathering us today to talk about the hustle. For our episode with Dr. Endya, we are drinking a dirty martini, our fav, and we hope you get a chance to make it this week and cheers to working through your mess. To learn more and connect with Dr. Endya Perry, you can find her on LinkedIn or email her at email@example.com.
Dana: To learn more about our hustles, you can check us out on the gram at canddevents at thebradfordnc and at hustleandgather. If you’re interested in our speaking training or consulting, please look us up at hustleandgather.com. And if you like the show, be sure to subscribe and leave us a rating and review.
Courtney: This podcast is a production of Earfluence I’m Courtney
Dana: and I’m Dana.
Courtney: And we’ll talk with you next time on Hustle and Gather.
Hustle and Gather is hosted by Courtney Hopper and Dana Kadwell, and is produced by Earfluence. Courtney and Dana’s hustles include C&D Events, Hustle and Gather, and The Bradford Wedding Venue.